As most people know, the teenage years can be filled with awkwardness, self doubt and insecurity. Adolescence is a period of growing up that can be scary and uncomfortable and which can significantly impact one's self esteem. Parents may notice their teenages being very critical of themselves, avoiding certain social situations, withdrawing or being upset with themselves much of the time.
Maintaining a positive self esteem during the teenager years can be very challenging. Teenagers are experiencing social pressure, significant body changes, and let's be honest - teenagers can be extremely cruel to one another, creating further insecurities. As a parent, it can be difficult to see your teenager suffering from a poor self image and low self esteem. Below are some tips for parents who are concerned about their teen's self esteem.
Tips for parents to foster positive self esteem in your child:
1. Have good self esteem yourself. Be a good role model for your teenager by displaying confidence.
2. Listen and validate. Make sure you take time to listen to your teenager and "validate" what they are saying. Let them know that you can appreciate how they are feeling and give legitimacy to their feelings (even if you don't completely understand).
3. Give praise that is honest and genuine. Let your teen know when they do something right. Let them know you appreciate them. Let them know when they make a valuable contribution to the household. Let them know when you are proud of them. They may never acknowledge that they hear you or care, however, hearing this from you is important to your teenager.
4. Encourage the positive things your teenager does (whether they do these things formally or as a hobby). Whether it is academics, sports, art, music, reading, keeping a job, volunteering, etc. - notice the things your teen enjoys and encourage them. This is encouraging them to build competence in a particulate area which is important for us all.
5. Give your teen a role. Make sure your teen feels like they have a valuable role in your household. Whether completing a specific chore, having a strong voice in important household decisions, preparing meals, taking care of the family pet, etc. - it is important that kids feel like they are a contributing member of a home. And back to #3 - notice and praise their contributions to your family unit.
6. Criticize behaviors, not the person. Of course you cannot give praise all the time - there will be things you need to address with your teenager because they are not acceptable. Make sure that when doing this, you are labeling their behaviors and not labeling them. For example: don't say, "You are miserable to be around" (which can pop out when you are frustrated and angry with your teenager). Instead say, "When you are yelling at me like that, it is difficult for me to be around you which I usually enjoy. I just don't like all the yelling". If you criticize your teenager as a person, it can significantly damage their overall perception of themselves which can have lasting effects.
7. Words hurt. Try really hard to not say things you don't mean out of frustration. Your teenager is already fragile enough emotionally and probably hears enough negative things from peers. If you are so frustrated with them that you think you may not be able to filter what you will say (which is normal!), then take a break and calm down before returning to the conversation. Teens need to feel like their parents love them no matter what and harsh, negative words from parents can have a significant, negative and lasting impact on teens.
8. Spend time with your teenager. Or at least make consistent effort. Even if they act like they don't want to be bothered with you, teens want to know you are there and that you want to be around them. Offer to do things with them (what you do does not need to be anything elaborate) consistently and take advantage of even little moments to engage in a task or conversation with them. Feeling like you want to be around them (versus avoid them) can be really important for your teenager's self esteem.
9. Love no matter what. Despite the turmoil, frustration, yelling or sleepless nights - always remember that your teenager needs to feel loved by you. If a teen does not feel loved and cared about by their parent, they will have a hard time ever believing anyone else can love them. Feeling loved is very important in the development of a healthy self esteem.
Maintaining a positive self esteem during the teenager years can be very challenging. Teenagers are experiencing social pressure, significant body changes, and let's be honest - teenagers can be extremely cruel to one another, creating further insecurities. As a parent, it can be difficult to see your teenager suffering from a poor self image and low self esteem. Below are some tips for parents who are concerned about their teen's self esteem.
Tips for parents to foster positive self esteem in your child:
1. Have good self esteem yourself. Be a good role model for your teenager by displaying confidence.
2. Listen and validate. Make sure you take time to listen to your teenager and "validate" what they are saying. Let them know that you can appreciate how they are feeling and give legitimacy to their feelings (even if you don't completely understand).
3. Give praise that is honest and genuine. Let your teen know when they do something right. Let them know you appreciate them. Let them know when they make a valuable contribution to the household. Let them know when you are proud of them. They may never acknowledge that they hear you or care, however, hearing this from you is important to your teenager.
4. Encourage the positive things your teenager does (whether they do these things formally or as a hobby). Whether it is academics, sports, art, music, reading, keeping a job, volunteering, etc. - notice the things your teen enjoys and encourage them. This is encouraging them to build competence in a particulate area which is important for us all.
5. Give your teen a role. Make sure your teen feels like they have a valuable role in your household. Whether completing a specific chore, having a strong voice in important household decisions, preparing meals, taking care of the family pet, etc. - it is important that kids feel like they are a contributing member of a home. And back to #3 - notice and praise their contributions to your family unit.
6. Criticize behaviors, not the person. Of course you cannot give praise all the time - there will be things you need to address with your teenager because they are not acceptable. Make sure that when doing this, you are labeling their behaviors and not labeling them. For example: don't say, "You are miserable to be around" (which can pop out when you are frustrated and angry with your teenager). Instead say, "When you are yelling at me like that, it is difficult for me to be around you which I usually enjoy. I just don't like all the yelling". If you criticize your teenager as a person, it can significantly damage their overall perception of themselves which can have lasting effects.
7. Words hurt. Try really hard to not say things you don't mean out of frustration. Your teenager is already fragile enough emotionally and probably hears enough negative things from peers. If you are so frustrated with them that you think you may not be able to filter what you will say (which is normal!), then take a break and calm down before returning to the conversation. Teens need to feel like their parents love them no matter what and harsh, negative words from parents can have a significant, negative and lasting impact on teens.
8. Spend time with your teenager. Or at least make consistent effort. Even if they act like they don't want to be bothered with you, teens want to know you are there and that you want to be around them. Offer to do things with them (what you do does not need to be anything elaborate) consistently and take advantage of even little moments to engage in a task or conversation with them. Feeling like you want to be around them (versus avoid them) can be really important for your teenager's self esteem.
9. Love no matter what. Despite the turmoil, frustration, yelling or sleepless nights - always remember that your teenager needs to feel loved by you. If a teen does not feel loved and cared about by their parent, they will have a hard time ever believing anyone else can love them. Feeling loved is very important in the development of a healthy self esteem.
Source...