Updated August 31, 2014.

People love to give caregivers advice. The second most common piece of instruction (after "take care of yourself, self care, analogy of putting oxygen on yourself first etc) is "find support." For many people who are caregiving, a support group seems almost self-indulgent because providing care for our loved ones is just something we do. As one family caregiver joked "that's like having a support group for life." But caregiving support groups can be a huge help during a difficult (albeit often rewording) time of your life.

Here's how:  

#1: A support group gives you a place to vent

To be in a position to need care can be a tremendously vulnerable place. Giving care can be frustrating at times and hard on your health at times, even if (or perhaps) especially if you're extremely concerned about doing a good job. Because receiving care is difficult and giving care can be difficult, the best place for both caregivers and their loved ones to vent is away from the relationship. Not to say you should never brainstorm solutions or discuss expectations with your loved one. But as far as straight up emotional venting? It's not fair to burden your loved one with that.

#2. A support group can help you with problem solving

Let's say you're dealing with difficulty between adult siblings taking care of a parent. You're the middle child between a strong-willed older brother and an equally strong-willed younger sister. How do you deal with both their agendas without the stress of being the peacemaker? How can you keep your concerns from getting lost in the mix and how can you make sure that your parent's wishes are honored as well?

By yourself, it might be hard to figure out how to make these things happen. But if you attend a support group, particularly one that meets regularly so you can develop relationships with the other members, you can ask a whole roomful of experts: other caregivers.

#3. A support group can help you with locating resources

Medical and social support systems are often so dense, overlapping, paperwork-heavy and confusing that it's almost impossible to figure out how to get the service you need. It takes a special kind of hustle to make sure that your loved one is able to access all the benefits and care appropriate to their condition. To me, that hustle is one of the most exhausting parts of caregiving. If you have a support group of caregiving peers they can tell you about all the workarounds: what hospital social worker can sign specific paperwork, where to locate respite care, what community agencies help with transportation costs, where you can find volunteers to help you with benefit paperwork, etc.

#4. A support group provides a social peer group of people who understand

Caregiving can be a huge barrier to spending time with the people we love outside our immediate circle. You make plans to catch a movie with friends but -oh- your dad falls and you have to make a trip to the emergency room. Or you sign up for a knitting class with you best friend but you miss more classes than you attend because your spouse is having a reaction to a new chemo drug. Although you would hope your friends understand that you have to make your sick/vulnerable loved one your priority, this is not always the case. Sometimes it can really nice to have other caregiving friends with who you make very loose plans, or with whom you have a standing phone date even if you can't get away.