Finding the love of your life online seems like a simple task, but it often isn't.
There's so many dating websites, and each has thousands of profiles which are likely to match your search criteria.
And each of those profiles will contain a lot of information to absorb.
To make your life a bit easier, I'll spell out some simple strategies that may help you pick 'winners' from 'losers' in terms of people you contact online.
Step 1: Your profile matters Your need to create a profile that will attract others who are searching, and also it must act as a 'calling card' for people that you send a message to.
They will want to check you out, and if your profile is not up to scratch, then you're unlikely to meet with much success.
Your profile should be engaging, interesting and a good summary of who you are, and what you're looking for.
It's also a good place to state what's important to you, what you value.
For instance, you might be someone who values anyone who does charity work, or perhaps you have a particular hobby or interest that you'd like a potential partner to be also interested in.
Your profile information should also include an up-to-date flattering photo that projects the kind of person you are.
Females: it's sometimes a good idea to not show a profile photo, as this can attract too much attention.
Step 2: Define what you really want Make a list of the attributes that are really important to you - the 'deal breakers'.
Some dating sites will let you filter by these parameters.
It might be important, for example, that the person you are looking for is a non-smoker.
Or doesn't have children.
Next, consider those things which you're reasonably flexible about - and list those too.
You might be okay if someone has children.
Or you don't mind if they live a long way away from you.
Also think about physical characteristics.
How much emphasis do you place on 'looks' and 'personality'? What age range will you be looking for? Your final list should give you a better idea of who you're seeking to find using internet dating.
It will help you narrow your search.
Step 3: Read profiles carefully Reading someone's profile is an art.
What they 'say' about themselves may not just be in the facts in their profile.
Think about the 'way' they are expressing themselves: are they clear and articulate? Does their profile information 'make sense'? Someone might say they have four children, yet if their profile says the are just 19 years of age, they are unlikely to be telling the truth.
You should also consider what the person is 'not' saying.
Are they giving you a sense of their personality - or not? If they write that they are a great communicator and have a wicked sense of humour, then you would expect their online dating profile would be a great read, and funny.
If it isn't, then something is not quite right.
Step 4: Make contact with a unique message If you're going to send someone online a message, bear in mind that there will be many other people who have probably sent that person a message, or are intending to.
The key to success in this step is to be noticed - to have a unique, interesting and special message that the other person will find memorable.
Refer to their dating site profile as a starting point.
There may be something there that will give you a 'hook' for that first message.
If they have a good sense of humour, maybe you could say something funny in your message (but be careful not to be crass or offensive) that will give them a hint that you're on a similar wavelength.
Make your message just a couple of paragraphs.
Make it easy to read, and get to the point - don't ramble.
Point out what you liked about their profile.
Make it specific (I liked how you talked about your holiday in Greece) rather than general (it's great that you live in Australia).
Step 5: Wait for a response This can be hard.
And if a response doesn't happen, then the question is - do I send another message? Usually one message is all you'll need.
If the person doesn't respond, it's likely they're not interested.
Sometimes it might turn out that they are on holiday, and you might get a message many days after sending it.
Sending a second message when they haven't replied to your first...
that can often work against you, as it can make you seem 'desperate'.
However, sometimes a second message can work, but keep it very short and refer to your first message.
Step 6: Deal with rejection by moving on It can be very disappointing when someone you're keen about doesn't return your dating site message.
Particularly if you've put a lot of effort into your message, and you had high hopes for a positive outcome.
The bottom line here is that you have to 'move on' and keep looking.
There are plenty more people out there, particularly in this internet age.
Try to see rejection as simply a test, a way to help you sharpen your resolve to keep using dating sites.
Most times you'll never know why they didn't respond.
This can be hard.
There are likely to be many possible reasons - and most of them are not about you.
The person might simply have a huge number of messages, or they've already met someone special.
Or they're no longer using the site.
Step 7: Persistence This is the key step.
Don't give up! It took me nine months of trial and error to find the person I eventually married.
There were times when giving up seemed the obvious way forward.
One final tip that really helped was that I started looking for females who DIDN'T have a published photo on their profile.
Instead, I read their profiles and looked for a memorable personality.
It turns out that her photo was hidden with a password because when it was visible she was getting too many messages - over 200 in a week! This tip is perhaps more relevant for men who are seeking women online, but it's the kind of 'lateral thinking' strategy that helped me persist with using online dating sites.
And ultimately, this strategy paid off for me.
And I hope you will now be able to apply some of the steps in this article to bring you dating success too.
There's so many dating websites, and each has thousands of profiles which are likely to match your search criteria.
And each of those profiles will contain a lot of information to absorb.
To make your life a bit easier, I'll spell out some simple strategies that may help you pick 'winners' from 'losers' in terms of people you contact online.
Step 1: Your profile matters Your need to create a profile that will attract others who are searching, and also it must act as a 'calling card' for people that you send a message to.
They will want to check you out, and if your profile is not up to scratch, then you're unlikely to meet with much success.
Your profile should be engaging, interesting and a good summary of who you are, and what you're looking for.
It's also a good place to state what's important to you, what you value.
For instance, you might be someone who values anyone who does charity work, or perhaps you have a particular hobby or interest that you'd like a potential partner to be also interested in.
Your profile information should also include an up-to-date flattering photo that projects the kind of person you are.
Females: it's sometimes a good idea to not show a profile photo, as this can attract too much attention.
Step 2: Define what you really want Make a list of the attributes that are really important to you - the 'deal breakers'.
Some dating sites will let you filter by these parameters.
It might be important, for example, that the person you are looking for is a non-smoker.
Or doesn't have children.
Next, consider those things which you're reasonably flexible about - and list those too.
You might be okay if someone has children.
Or you don't mind if they live a long way away from you.
Also think about physical characteristics.
How much emphasis do you place on 'looks' and 'personality'? What age range will you be looking for? Your final list should give you a better idea of who you're seeking to find using internet dating.
It will help you narrow your search.
Step 3: Read profiles carefully Reading someone's profile is an art.
What they 'say' about themselves may not just be in the facts in their profile.
Think about the 'way' they are expressing themselves: are they clear and articulate? Does their profile information 'make sense'? Someone might say they have four children, yet if their profile says the are just 19 years of age, they are unlikely to be telling the truth.
You should also consider what the person is 'not' saying.
Are they giving you a sense of their personality - or not? If they write that they are a great communicator and have a wicked sense of humour, then you would expect their online dating profile would be a great read, and funny.
If it isn't, then something is not quite right.
Step 4: Make contact with a unique message If you're going to send someone online a message, bear in mind that there will be many other people who have probably sent that person a message, or are intending to.
The key to success in this step is to be noticed - to have a unique, interesting and special message that the other person will find memorable.
Refer to their dating site profile as a starting point.
There may be something there that will give you a 'hook' for that first message.
If they have a good sense of humour, maybe you could say something funny in your message (but be careful not to be crass or offensive) that will give them a hint that you're on a similar wavelength.
Make your message just a couple of paragraphs.
Make it easy to read, and get to the point - don't ramble.
Point out what you liked about their profile.
Make it specific (I liked how you talked about your holiday in Greece) rather than general (it's great that you live in Australia).
Step 5: Wait for a response This can be hard.
And if a response doesn't happen, then the question is - do I send another message? Usually one message is all you'll need.
If the person doesn't respond, it's likely they're not interested.
Sometimes it might turn out that they are on holiday, and you might get a message many days after sending it.
Sending a second message when they haven't replied to your first...
that can often work against you, as it can make you seem 'desperate'.
However, sometimes a second message can work, but keep it very short and refer to your first message.
Step 6: Deal with rejection by moving on It can be very disappointing when someone you're keen about doesn't return your dating site message.
Particularly if you've put a lot of effort into your message, and you had high hopes for a positive outcome.
The bottom line here is that you have to 'move on' and keep looking.
There are plenty more people out there, particularly in this internet age.
Try to see rejection as simply a test, a way to help you sharpen your resolve to keep using dating sites.
Most times you'll never know why they didn't respond.
This can be hard.
There are likely to be many possible reasons - and most of them are not about you.
The person might simply have a huge number of messages, or they've already met someone special.
Or they're no longer using the site.
Step 7: Persistence This is the key step.
Don't give up! It took me nine months of trial and error to find the person I eventually married.
There were times when giving up seemed the obvious way forward.
One final tip that really helped was that I started looking for females who DIDN'T have a published photo on their profile.
Instead, I read their profiles and looked for a memorable personality.
It turns out that her photo was hidden with a password because when it was visible she was getting too many messages - over 200 in a week! This tip is perhaps more relevant for men who are seeking women online, but it's the kind of 'lateral thinking' strategy that helped me persist with using online dating sites.
And ultimately, this strategy paid off for me.
And I hope you will now be able to apply some of the steps in this article to bring you dating success too.
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