The Grey Lady Wants A Bailout! Obviously the only way to keep America safe and free is to gut as much of its citizens' strength and liberty as we can get away with, and the president and his Demediacrat coalition have been sprinting away with great chunks of both for three years.
Running like they stole something - which they did! But now, when she needs it most, the government must step in to help one of its biggest allies.
I'm referring, of course, to the New York Times.
It seems the great "Grey Lady" has fallen on hard times.
Why, just the other day, several Times employees made a video decrying the austerity cuts at the newspaper.
One woman wailed about how, instead of $58k per year (for life) she'd be due under the Times' old "defined benefit" pension, she would now have to somehow get by on $15,000.
Every year for the rest of her life.
Plus Social Security (if any).
In the video, the woman said she'd be one of those seniors the Times reports about, who has to live in poverty (while doing no work).
Now, being a former journalist myself (one who never made, as a journalist, $15k in a single year of 100-hours-per-week labor), I would never reveal the name of this source - even if I could remember it.
The point, if any, is that the Times' business model isn't working like it used to.
And that's just a socialist-Utopia tragedy.
The Times, which led the way as the government's foremost cheerleader - always ready with "all the propaganda that fits our template" - has to tighten its belt.
Like all Demediacrat outlets, the Times was doing just fine as an unofficial propaganda arm of the federal government - slanting everything leftward while continuing to claim objectivity.
You believed what you read in the Times, because, well, because you were too stupid not to.
And when a union needed to be championed and an employer denigrated, the Grey Lady was always in the fore.
Just take a look at their fine accomplishments with everything from the U.
S.
auto industry to the State of Wisconsin! But now, of course, the jackboot is on the other foot.
The Times is the employer who can't afford its lavish union contracts, and people are beginning to speak in hushed tones about a bailout of Big Fiction (starting with the Times).
Your schadenfreude over this irony, by the way, only shows you to be a radical right-wing nutcase who believes in crazy things like the Tea Party, free-market capitalism, and the U.
S.
Constitution.
Stifle! Not that the Times' austerity measures will ultimately work, mind you...
we still need a new business model for this august institution, so it can continue its fine work in issuing opinions to the ignorant (without which the ignorant would have no opinions).
Here's the solution: the best business model is not to be in "business," per se, at all! President Obama stepped in and saved the auto industry by redistributing it to its own unions...
so why can't he do the same here? I mean, look how great that's working out.
Make 'em guv'mint workers! Give 'em guv'mint pensions! And then, we can all stop pretending we have journalists in America, and accept the Times for what it is.
Just like the Soviet people accepted "Pravda" and Winston accepted the Ministry of Truth.
You will no longer have to be ignorant to believe what you read in the Times! You'll believe it because, well, because we can shoot you if you don't.
"Journalists" of the world, unite!