Lovelife Advisor  Hey James, There's got to be a better way to meet women! Why can't I just read about what these pick-up artists who've perfected this do and copy them? I hate getting blown out every time I go out.
  --Would-Be Perfectionist Hey Would-Be Perfectionist, Suppose you got an email: Read This Article And Be Perfect!!! One Minute Guaranteed!!1! Doub1e Your Money Back!!! Would you believe it? Would that there was a way to learn a complex skill like social calibration without gaffes, mistakes, or setbacks.
To really appreciate what is involved in mastering attraction helps to clarify some intuitive ideas.
Something is effective if it gets the job done.
A bonfire is effective for lighting a cigarette.
Something is efficient if it is effective and it produces no waste, no unwanted side effects, and no unintended results.
A bonfire will scorch your eyebrows.
A match is more efficient for lighting a cigarette.
While learning to meet and attract the opposite sex you set yourself up for frustration and failure if you judge effectiveness in terms of efficiency or vice versa.
The simple fact is that you can't become efficient until you're somewhat effective.
You can't go from stopped to sixty in zero seconds.
Some people are unwilling to approach twenty people to get blown out just to see that it won't permanently scar them.
"There's no way gonna work," they complain.
"Oh, that would just kill me!" Yet they miss the point.
Resisting the effective technique of progressive desensitization because it's not as efficient as having a "perfect routine" means that an important realization (rejection is not very painful) is missing from their experience.
They haven't learned that rejection is simply no big deal.
Unfortunately, learning and personal growth are not very efficient.
When you studied for eight-grade algebra exams, you produced reams of "unnecessary" scratch paper to sort out the concepts and show your work.
If you've ever played an instrument you spent countless hours practicing scales.
Scientists and marketers know that research is rarely efficient but involves trial and error-it's the nature of the beast.
Instead of making "be perfect" a requirement before you get started, a better approach is to embrace the difficulty of mastering a skill and learn from your experience.
Here is a framework for a self-correcting learning model that is effective and with practice can make you more and more efficient.

1. Take Action.
   Go out with a goal, a fun question, or some friends to keep you active.
   
2. Get Stuck.
   When talking to someone let yourself go outside your comfort zone and get stuck.
   Maybe you can't create attraction, or maybe you don't know how to lead the conversation.
   Be willing to actually experience the difficulty first hand.
   
3. Forge Through.
   Do everything you can to keep talking, keep trying, just to see what happens.
   This is how trial and error works.
   
4. Review Your Results.
   Reconsider your approach and think about what you could do better with the benefit of hindsight.
   
5. Try Again.
   Be willing to learn from experience and go out again to get better results.
   This way you will move yourself closer to the results you want.
   

Of course there will never be a shortage of people looking for the perfect system to give them instant romantic success, just as desperate people seek instant riches.
And as long as there are desperate people there will be shady salesmen who prey on their naivety.
You can avoid this trap by finding a trusted coach who can guide you through the process of making continual improvements, where you'll learn an effective way to permanently revise and continually improve your love life.
May your pursuit of perfection guide you, not sideline you.
Harness your desire to be your best possible self so you get better, not so you quit because you aren't there yet.