Instructions

1

Keep your cool when a bully approaches you. If you seem vulnerable or scared, no matter what you say, it won't be a powerful comeback. Remind yourself that you're much smarter than the bully. Her opinion about you is probably laughably stupid.
2

Look the bully in the eyes when he's talking to you. Avoiding eye contact is submissive, and you want to make the point that you can take whatever insult he throws at you.
3

Act unemotional and unimpressed by her remarks. Remember, she's not the sharpest tool in the shed, so her comments about your ugly shirt or bad haircut are a reflection of her poor taste, not reality. Try not to flinch or even blink when she talks.
4

Be sarcastic. Sarcasm mocks the idea that whatever the bully said had any validity. A comment about your clothing being out of style could be retorted with, "Ooooh, here comes the Fashion Police." Or, "I guess I need to start shopping from the clearance racks like you."
5

Use a normal tone of voice when delivering a comeback. If you're too quiet, you'll seem scared and timid, but if you're too loud, you'll seem overly emotional or angry.
6

Discrediting your bully with mock sympathy is always a good way to use a sassy comeback. Implying that your bully is off his meds, jealous, cranky due to hunger if he has a weight problem or is known for vain dieting or experiencing PMS--which can be especially funny if the bully is male, not female--will give you the upperhand. Try, "Oh, honey, do you want to borrow a tampon?" or "Uh oh, someone is off his meds!"