When to Draw the Line: Working With Children in the Juvenile Justice System
This is my story: As a child I remember all the horrendous tribulations I had to overcome.
I remember all my greatest triumphs and my weakest moments.
But what I remember most vividly and even more accurately is the feeling that I still have a hard time ridding myself of...
the feeling of not being good enough.
As a child "loss" is what I became accustomed to.
At the age of 14 my father who had a very strong drug addiction died of an overdose and the death of my mother followed when I was 17 years old from a massive brain tumor.
Family was not and will never be my strong suit because I was often ridiculed and dismissed by those who were supposed to protect and care for me.
I had to experience tragedies that even my family failed to learn about.
I have endured sexual abuse by someone I trusted and looked to as a father figure.
I lack trust for those who say they love me and I lack the time or the energy to invest in rebuilding broken relationships amongst these people who I felt abandoned me when I needed them most.
What does a child do when she has NO ONE to be there for her in her time of need? At the age of 15, I had to learn that I would never be "good enough" for those people I had to call family.
As you can imagine I carried a lot of this pain into my adulthood and I allowed it to be the driving force in my career.
The good news is, I was able to make it through high school and graduated in the top ten percent of my class.
Not only did I receive my Bachelor's degree in Child Development, I also obtained my Master's Degree in Education with a specialization in Family and Community Services.
My past has given me the ammunition to be more empathetic and compassionate and I desire to see positive changes within our communities with our youth.
I do not want any child to feel what I have felt for 27 years: alone and "not good enough".
I took a job at Williamson County Juvenile Detention in Georgetown Texas as a Juvenile Supervision Officer.
Excitement could not be a better word for how I felt about working with these children.
To many people these children were labeled delinquents but in my eyes they were simply misguided and left to "figure things out" on their own.
My past so closely resembled many of the children I came in contact with daily and it was very disheartening to hear how some of the staff would speak of these children.
My whole mission was to give these children an outlet, to be there when they need to talk, to vent or to have a shoulder to cry on.
I wanted to give them a snippet of my story so they could understand that, one may not control the cards you are dealt in life but you control how you play your hand.
You have the power to write your own destiny.
While I do not condone any of their actions as to why they ended up in a detention center, I do believe that time needs to be taken to evaluate their situations in its entirety before making assumptions about them or their future.
Children behave the only way they know how; by what has been modeled in front of them or what has been allowed.
It is difficult to tell a 12 year old they need to take responsibility for their actions when the line between right and wrong is still somewhat unclear to them, especially if they were not given a clear understanding at home.
It is pertinent to meet each child at his or her level and understand that some progress is better than no progress.
Now I write all this to bring you to my current situation.
Recently I was released from my job because my relationship with one of the children.
This child possessed many issues like myself, and this child became very dependent on me.
This child constantly sought after my attention and longed for my "motherly affection".
This child had experienced many things that the average adult could never fathom, so naturally I was very empathic and compassionate toward this child.
In a conversation between this child, and I, the child cried to me that there was no one that loved or wanted this child.
No one believed in this child or that this child could change for the better.
This child said to me, "I can't go home so where will I go.
Nobody wants me.
I think I want to die".
What do you say to a child who has lost all hope and sees no future for them and would rather be dead? What I said, " There are plenty of people, like myself that are rooting for you.
And I will look into being a placement for you if you cannot go home".
The smile on this child's face after I expressed this made my heart melt.
This child looked at me in almost disbelief and said, "you would take me home"? And I quickly replied, "Yes, I believe in you".
Just to let you guys know I had already put in my two weeks notice because my husband is getting stationed in San Diego, California.
So I was down to my last workweek and I figured becoming a placement should not be too difficult because I would no longer be an employee.
Boy, did that blow up in my face.
I had three days left at work and on this particular day this child had court.
To my understanding this child had spoken to a lawyer on more than one occasion about being placed with a staff member (apparently I was not the first to extend my home to this child).
When I arrived to work I was called into a meeting with the Assistant Director and two shift supervisors.
The meeting was brief and straight to the point.
I was told even though my intentions were good "we" are setting this child up for failure.
This child cannot be placed with any staff member, as it is unethical and will not happen.
As I sat there the only thing I could think was, "Unethical by whose definition".
I am sorry that this is more than just a "job" to me and I actually care about the well being of each child I come across so why am I being punished for this.
Why is it unethical to give a child hope and let them know that people in this world care? Why is it unethical to "check into" being a placement for a child that is going to end up in foster care who has anger and authority issues? So I guess it is better for this child to be bounced from home to home and feel dejected from not only her own family but also the rest of the world, instead of being placed with someone the child knows and trusts.
I was told that I needed to change my resignation date and make it effective that day and if I did not I would be suspended without pay.
As I left the building in tears because I could not believe that one would mock me by saying "we understand your intentions but it is unethical "and then dismiss me, I could not help but think of this child who looked forward to seeing me that day.
I could not help but wonder what they will tell this child when I am inquired about.
I could not help but wonder will this child think that I abandoned her like everyone else in her life and that is what hurt me the most.
I could not help but wonder if anything would be said to the other staff members who have extended their home to this child.
I could not understand why I was not approached in the beginning so I could have given them clarity of my intentions before the decision was made to release me.
It wasn't I that failed this child; it was a system that puts more energy into pacifying administrators who barely take the time to leave from behind their desks to get to know these children.
It is the group of people that are put in decision making positions that have never been in any of these children's shoes and could not possibly deem themselves "unethical" enough to save one child's life.
It saddens me to know that people are punished for trying to do more than just their "job".
We send these children to these detention centers and they get nothing out of being there.
Where does all the money go for these centers because the children in detention do not partake in any kind of services or extended any type of life skills classes that would be beneficial for their development into functioning adults? Instead these children (when they are not in school) watch television and play games all day.
What are they learning?? The administrators preach about the 40 Developmental Assets and how important they are (to which I agree) but how are these Developmental Assets implemented with these children in detention? Hopefully one day we as a people can do more than speak of change and actually take the needed steps toward action to implement the necessary changes for our future leaders.
I remember all my greatest triumphs and my weakest moments.
But what I remember most vividly and even more accurately is the feeling that I still have a hard time ridding myself of...
the feeling of not being good enough.
As a child "loss" is what I became accustomed to.
At the age of 14 my father who had a very strong drug addiction died of an overdose and the death of my mother followed when I was 17 years old from a massive brain tumor.
Family was not and will never be my strong suit because I was often ridiculed and dismissed by those who were supposed to protect and care for me.
I had to experience tragedies that even my family failed to learn about.
I have endured sexual abuse by someone I trusted and looked to as a father figure.
I lack trust for those who say they love me and I lack the time or the energy to invest in rebuilding broken relationships amongst these people who I felt abandoned me when I needed them most.
What does a child do when she has NO ONE to be there for her in her time of need? At the age of 15, I had to learn that I would never be "good enough" for those people I had to call family.
As you can imagine I carried a lot of this pain into my adulthood and I allowed it to be the driving force in my career.
The good news is, I was able to make it through high school and graduated in the top ten percent of my class.
Not only did I receive my Bachelor's degree in Child Development, I also obtained my Master's Degree in Education with a specialization in Family and Community Services.
My past has given me the ammunition to be more empathetic and compassionate and I desire to see positive changes within our communities with our youth.
I do not want any child to feel what I have felt for 27 years: alone and "not good enough".
I took a job at Williamson County Juvenile Detention in Georgetown Texas as a Juvenile Supervision Officer.
Excitement could not be a better word for how I felt about working with these children.
To many people these children were labeled delinquents but in my eyes they were simply misguided and left to "figure things out" on their own.
My past so closely resembled many of the children I came in contact with daily and it was very disheartening to hear how some of the staff would speak of these children.
My whole mission was to give these children an outlet, to be there when they need to talk, to vent or to have a shoulder to cry on.
I wanted to give them a snippet of my story so they could understand that, one may not control the cards you are dealt in life but you control how you play your hand.
You have the power to write your own destiny.
While I do not condone any of their actions as to why they ended up in a detention center, I do believe that time needs to be taken to evaluate their situations in its entirety before making assumptions about them or their future.
Children behave the only way they know how; by what has been modeled in front of them or what has been allowed.
It is difficult to tell a 12 year old they need to take responsibility for their actions when the line between right and wrong is still somewhat unclear to them, especially if they were not given a clear understanding at home.
It is pertinent to meet each child at his or her level and understand that some progress is better than no progress.
Now I write all this to bring you to my current situation.
Recently I was released from my job because my relationship with one of the children.
This child possessed many issues like myself, and this child became very dependent on me.
This child constantly sought after my attention and longed for my "motherly affection".
This child had experienced many things that the average adult could never fathom, so naturally I was very empathic and compassionate toward this child.
In a conversation between this child, and I, the child cried to me that there was no one that loved or wanted this child.
No one believed in this child or that this child could change for the better.
This child said to me, "I can't go home so where will I go.
Nobody wants me.
I think I want to die".
What do you say to a child who has lost all hope and sees no future for them and would rather be dead? What I said, " There are plenty of people, like myself that are rooting for you.
And I will look into being a placement for you if you cannot go home".
The smile on this child's face after I expressed this made my heart melt.
This child looked at me in almost disbelief and said, "you would take me home"? And I quickly replied, "Yes, I believe in you".
Just to let you guys know I had already put in my two weeks notice because my husband is getting stationed in San Diego, California.
So I was down to my last workweek and I figured becoming a placement should not be too difficult because I would no longer be an employee.
Boy, did that blow up in my face.
I had three days left at work and on this particular day this child had court.
To my understanding this child had spoken to a lawyer on more than one occasion about being placed with a staff member (apparently I was not the first to extend my home to this child).
When I arrived to work I was called into a meeting with the Assistant Director and two shift supervisors.
The meeting was brief and straight to the point.
I was told even though my intentions were good "we" are setting this child up for failure.
This child cannot be placed with any staff member, as it is unethical and will not happen.
As I sat there the only thing I could think was, "Unethical by whose definition".
I am sorry that this is more than just a "job" to me and I actually care about the well being of each child I come across so why am I being punished for this.
Why is it unethical to give a child hope and let them know that people in this world care? Why is it unethical to "check into" being a placement for a child that is going to end up in foster care who has anger and authority issues? So I guess it is better for this child to be bounced from home to home and feel dejected from not only her own family but also the rest of the world, instead of being placed with someone the child knows and trusts.
I was told that I needed to change my resignation date and make it effective that day and if I did not I would be suspended without pay.
As I left the building in tears because I could not believe that one would mock me by saying "we understand your intentions but it is unethical "and then dismiss me, I could not help but think of this child who looked forward to seeing me that day.
I could not help but wonder what they will tell this child when I am inquired about.
I could not help but wonder will this child think that I abandoned her like everyone else in her life and that is what hurt me the most.
I could not help but wonder if anything would be said to the other staff members who have extended their home to this child.
I could not understand why I was not approached in the beginning so I could have given them clarity of my intentions before the decision was made to release me.
It wasn't I that failed this child; it was a system that puts more energy into pacifying administrators who barely take the time to leave from behind their desks to get to know these children.
It is the group of people that are put in decision making positions that have never been in any of these children's shoes and could not possibly deem themselves "unethical" enough to save one child's life.
It saddens me to know that people are punished for trying to do more than just their "job".
We send these children to these detention centers and they get nothing out of being there.
Where does all the money go for these centers because the children in detention do not partake in any kind of services or extended any type of life skills classes that would be beneficial for their development into functioning adults? Instead these children (when they are not in school) watch television and play games all day.
What are they learning?? The administrators preach about the 40 Developmental Assets and how important they are (to which I agree) but how are these Developmental Assets implemented with these children in detention? Hopefully one day we as a people can do more than speak of change and actually take the needed steps toward action to implement the necessary changes for our future leaders.
Source...