The most dreaded four words in a marriage or a relationship: "I want a divorce" or "Its not working out".
OK, now what? What do you do? Who do you turn to? How do you pick up the pieces and start over? Your self esteem drops dramatically when you go through a divorce.
This is true even for an amicable divorce, but particularly true for an acrimonious divorce.
 This problem sits on top of the stress created by a host of issues such as finances, children, housing etc.
and clouds your judgment and confidence.
If you have to deal with dating again, on top of everything else, it can be daunting.
There are two schools of thought when it comes to the question: When is the right time to start dating again?   One school of thought says: Get on the dating circuit right away.
Don't sit around and mope, feel sorry for yourself or regurgitate the mistakes of the broken relationship.
The second school of thought says: Spend some time, look at yourself and the relationship that failed, understand what happened and why, seek a counselor if necessary to put the pieces together, take time to heal and then think of getting back into the dating scene.
I subscribe to the second school of thought.
 Here are some of the professional observations I have made over the years.
 There is no specific amount of time that makes it the "right time".
 Every person and every situation is different.
 But a relationship coach or therapist can help you heal and get ready to put the past behind.
  Evaluate yourself honestly to see if you fit in any of these categories to measure your readiness.
     ·  Most people are NOT over their past relationships before they start dating again.
 They think the new person will magically erase the hurt and make them feel whole again.
 This person does not make a good candidate for dating.
·  When most people break up (after a marriage or a long standing live-in situation), their self esteem drops significantly.
 This is true of even those that can legitimately say "it is not my fault".
 When your self esteem is low, you will not make a good candidate for dating.
You have a lot of "self-work" to do before you are ready to date.
·  The more acrimonious the divorce, the longer it takes to heal and be ready to date again.
·  When there are young children involved, it takes longer to heal and be ready to date again.
·  The older you are, the longer it takes to heal and be ready to date again.
·  The longer you have been in the relationship before the breakup, the longer it takes to heal and be ready to date again.
·  The party that did not initiate the divorce takes longer to heal and be ready to date again.
·  The party that was surprised by the divorce declaration (i.
e.
"did not see it coming") takes longer to heal and be ready to date again.
·  Most people who are out there on the chat rooms and dating sites are lonely.
 A lonely person is not a good candidate for a successful date.
  There is a significant amount of "self work" that needs to be done before a newly single person is ready to develop a strong healthy relationship and build a future with a new partner.
  The best way to get ready for a new chapter and a new relationship is to work on yourself and concentrate on becoming healthy and whole.
  A good partner is the last piece to fit into your life's puzzle, not the first, and most certainly not the only piece of the puzzle.