Let's face it - breaking up with a girl isn't something that any of us look forward to; but sometimes you just have to do it.
You should try to do it the right way.
I'm not going to offer any tips or tricks on how to make it easier for you; we need to think about ways to make it easier for her.
A lot of guys want to send a text or an email; or even do it over the phone; but guys that is the coward's way out. Breaking up the right way means that you have to do it in person.
Let's say that your decision is made and you have told her that "we need to talk"; what do you do next?
Set aside plenty of time for this; don't think you can rush through it in ten minutes; maybe it will take only that, but you should allow at least a couple of hours for it. Breaking up properly is about communication and acceptance and understanding; we want the woman to realize why it has to be done and don't want to leave her feeling rejected or unwanted.
You also want to tell her why it is necessary; we don't want her left wondering what the "real" reason is. That might cause her to feel distrust for other guys in the future; and that might prevent her from actually entering into a relationship with the guy who truly is right for her.
That said, you find yourself facing her when the time has come to give her the news.
What should you say?
Let's talk first about some things that you should never say:
Never say anything about it being somebody's fault.
Chances are that the two of you just aren't meant to be together and that is not your fault; it is not her fault, that is just the way it is.
Never say that you just aren't ready for a committed relationship right now. In a month or two or three when she runs into you with your new girlfriend she will be left wondering what changed so quickly; and then she will be analyzing the entire relationship and the break up; trying to figure out the real reason why you left her.
Never say something like you have to concentrate on your education or your job or some other facet of your life - that will just make her feel that you don't think that she is supportive enough of your goals; and that can be a real ego and self esteem killer; and that would be a mean way to leave her.
Never use the classic, "I don't want to be tied down"; that will just be perceived as saying that you don't want to be tied down by her. Just like I said above; when she sees you with your new girlfriend she will be back to wondering what the real reason was; and she will know that you simply told her an easy lie to end the relationship.
Some guys think that using one or more of the reasons above will make it "easy" on her when it reality those will just leave her feeling broken; her self esteem shattered; and wondering why it really had to come to an end.
The point is to try to leave her feeling good about herself; hopefully not feeling too badly about you; and not feeling suspicious or distrustful of men in general.
So now on to some of the things that you maybe should say:
You might say that you have come to realize that the two of you just aren't perfect for each other. Even though she is a great person; you realized that she isn't just right for you; and that made you realize that you must not be just right for her.
The longer you two stay together the longer it will be before you each get out there and find the ones who are just right.
You might say that this just isn't the right time for you to be together as a couple in a committed relationship. That doesn't mean that you aren't right for each; just that the timing is not right. The two of you just aren't "in the same place" in life at this moment in time; that doesn't mean that you never will be; but that you are not right now.
You might explain to her that although the relationship is good; it is missing some critical component such as rapport or true emotional attraction. You're good together; comfortable together; but the relationship is simply not complete because of that missing component.
It could be that your lives are not headed in the same direction at the same time; you have different needs and different goals at this point in your lives and because of that neither of you is the perfect compliment to the other.
Breaking up is never easy but the truth is that as soon as you realize that you don't see yourself being together with the person you are with for the long term; then both of you are with the wrong people while the right people are out there just waiting to meet each of you.
You should try to do it the right way.
I'm not going to offer any tips or tricks on how to make it easier for you; we need to think about ways to make it easier for her.
A lot of guys want to send a text or an email; or even do it over the phone; but guys that is the coward's way out. Breaking up the right way means that you have to do it in person.
Let's say that your decision is made and you have told her that "we need to talk"; what do you do next?
Set aside plenty of time for this; don't think you can rush through it in ten minutes; maybe it will take only that, but you should allow at least a couple of hours for it. Breaking up properly is about communication and acceptance and understanding; we want the woman to realize why it has to be done and don't want to leave her feeling rejected or unwanted.
You also want to tell her why it is necessary; we don't want her left wondering what the "real" reason is. That might cause her to feel distrust for other guys in the future; and that might prevent her from actually entering into a relationship with the guy who truly is right for her.
That said, you find yourself facing her when the time has come to give her the news.
What should you say?
Let's talk first about some things that you should never say:
Never say anything about it being somebody's fault.
Chances are that the two of you just aren't meant to be together and that is not your fault; it is not her fault, that is just the way it is.
Never say that you just aren't ready for a committed relationship right now. In a month or two or three when she runs into you with your new girlfriend she will be left wondering what changed so quickly; and then she will be analyzing the entire relationship and the break up; trying to figure out the real reason why you left her.
Never say something like you have to concentrate on your education or your job or some other facet of your life - that will just make her feel that you don't think that she is supportive enough of your goals; and that can be a real ego and self esteem killer; and that would be a mean way to leave her.
Never use the classic, "I don't want to be tied down"; that will just be perceived as saying that you don't want to be tied down by her. Just like I said above; when she sees you with your new girlfriend she will be back to wondering what the real reason was; and she will know that you simply told her an easy lie to end the relationship.
Some guys think that using one or more of the reasons above will make it "easy" on her when it reality those will just leave her feeling broken; her self esteem shattered; and wondering why it really had to come to an end.
The point is to try to leave her feeling good about herself; hopefully not feeling too badly about you; and not feeling suspicious or distrustful of men in general.
So now on to some of the things that you maybe should say:
You might say that you have come to realize that the two of you just aren't perfect for each other. Even though she is a great person; you realized that she isn't just right for you; and that made you realize that you must not be just right for her.
The longer you two stay together the longer it will be before you each get out there and find the ones who are just right.
You might say that this just isn't the right time for you to be together as a couple in a committed relationship. That doesn't mean that you aren't right for each; just that the timing is not right. The two of you just aren't "in the same place" in life at this moment in time; that doesn't mean that you never will be; but that you are not right now.
You might explain to her that although the relationship is good; it is missing some critical component such as rapport or true emotional attraction. You're good together; comfortable together; but the relationship is simply not complete because of that missing component.
It could be that your lives are not headed in the same direction at the same time; you have different needs and different goals at this point in your lives and because of that neither of you is the perfect compliment to the other.
Breaking up is never easy but the truth is that as soon as you realize that you don't see yourself being together with the person you are with for the long term; then both of you are with the wrong people while the right people are out there just waiting to meet each of you.
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