1.
Listening Needs Silence: Silence Doesn't Mean Listening.
Put bluntly, you have to shut up to listen.
You may be saying nothing.
But if you're thinking about something other than what the speaker's saying or simply waiting for your "turn" to state your opinion, you may be hearing but you're not listening.
2.
Listening Is An Active Art Good listeners concentrate on what speakers say.
It's almost certainly true that effective listening requires more concentration and intensity than speaking.
You can't really listen while doing something else.
Checking your inbox or rifling through papers as you say to an employee "Go on, I'm listening" insults the employee.
And it's a hallmark of poor listening.
3.
Listening's About Meaning The prime purpose of listening is to find out what the speaker means.
That's why we complain about "hype" and "spin" and "jargon".
When speakers use these verbal devices we find it harder to understand what they mean.
And if we're reading something without the opportunity to question the writer, we become frustrated easily.
Seek to discover what the speaker means not merely what the speaker says.
4.
Ask, Ask, Ask For Clarification If you're not sure what a speaker means, seek clarification.
Be careful how you do this.
A blunt "What do you mean?" will achieve little.
It may even create a repeat of the same spin or jargon.
Tell the speaker what you think they mean first.
Say "Are you saying that...
?" or "Do you mean that...
?" or "Am I right in thinking that...
?" as the introduction to your question.
This technique helps the speaker focus on clarifying misunderstanding.
5.
Accept Speaker Integrity Accept that the speaker is stating honestly held opinions.
You may think they're nonsense.
Good listening means that you don't argue with the speaker even if you disagree.
Accept what they say, seek clarification, grasp the meaning and leave it at that.
6.
Information Not Argument Anyone can win an argument.
You just have to talk longer and louder than anyone else...
or use your power to stifle opinion: "It's my business and I say...
" Develop your listening skills so that you gain better and more useful information.
Causing an argument virtually ensures that emotions will overrule information.
7.
Opinions Are Facts This seems stupid at face value.
But to the people who hold them, opinions are facts.
Just accept this.
You may know that the speaker's just plain wrong.
You may be able to prove their error conclusively.
Simply destroying their position won't help.
Try using phrases like "That's Sandy's position which I accept.
But there are other ways of looking at the situation.
" 8.
Interruptions Kill Listening I know it's not always possible.
But if you're having a formal or even semi-formal meeting, allow no interruptions.
Don't take phone calls.
Don't allow "I'll only take a moment" interventions from others.
And if you absolutely must take a call or give "a moment" stop the meeting.
Restart when you return.
9.
Patience Is Your Partner Impatience and good listening are sworn enemies.
If you simply don't have time to listen, say so and reschedule.
And no matter how bored you are or how tiresome the speaker's views, remember that they're very important to the speaker.
Until they believe they've had their say, they won't listen effectively to you either.
Conclusion Good listening is an art.
It requires considerable skill.
But when you master it, you'll be astonished at the quality of information you receive.