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It was found that polyamorous individuals had slightly less frequent sex than the national average, emphasizing social activities, warmth, and open communication. The continuing emphasis was a focus on warmth, acceptance, communication and friendship with the freedom to touch, caress, and have the potentialfor sexual activity if chosen (p 429).
As these studies show, the alternative life styles chosen by individuals are not necessarily the cause nor the result of unhealthy personalities; in actuality, the alternative life style behavior may be supportive of the psychological health of the individuals (Peabody, 1982, 426,434).
Thus, therapists should not assume that polyamory is maladaptive, or that people in polyamorous unions would improve their relationships by shifting to a traditional monogamous style. Therapists who maintain that monogamy is inherently preferable to polyamory may be reflecting their own cultural biases, rather than considering what is best for their client's individual needs.
In many cultures, polyamory is the norm, and many benefits of this lifestyle have been reported. For instance, in Nigeria it is said that the sharing of responsibilities among members may greatly dilute the burden, financial or otherwise, of care for members with problems (Makanjuola, 1987, p. 366). Venezuelan Yanomamo women who choose a polygynous lifestyle may not need to work as long on household and child-care tasks as their monogamous sisters do, due to co-operation between co-wives (Hames, 1996).
In sum, many polyamorous people are in relatively stable primary relationships and do not seem to be motivated by neurotic and pathological needs.
(Peabody, 1982, p.430).
Now, the polyamorous lifestyle, while not inherently pathological, can present some unique challenges. The next section of this presentation will describe some of the lifestyle-specific concerns that polyamorous individuals may present with in therapy, and that therapists can be of help with (see also Appendix A). It should be remembered, of course, that polyamorous individuals often seek therapy for reasons that have nothing to do with their lifestyle per se.
One challenge that polyamorous individuals need to contend with is the label of deviance (Knapp, 1975; Mann, 1975). They may be shunned by members of some conservative religions, and (as in the example of the triad whose custody of their daughter was challenged) they are subject to legal discrimination. Polyamorous unions are not typically recognized by church or state, and spousal health benefits are not available for one's non-married partner. Many of the discriminations that the gay community faces are concerns for the polyamorous community as well (Browning, Reynolds, & Dworkin, 1991).
Often, polyamorous individuals choose not to reveal their multiple relationships to outsiders, as they perceive non-acceptance for their lifestyle from the wider society, (Peabody, 1982). Even close family members may be excluded from this knowledge (Ziskin & Ziskin, 1975). A study by Watson and Watson (1982) found that while 75% of polyamorous survey respondents wanted their children to know of their lifestyle, only 21% had actually informed their children of the full extent of their involvements with other partners. Some incorporate their children with them in the company of their secondary partners, and indicate that they enjoy the process of modeling an alternative for their children. Other parents feel that sharing the news of their lifestyle would be too upsetting for their children, or would not be understood, or would be shared openly with neighbors and school friends (p.54).
There are many strains that accompany the keeping of so large and important a secret (Browning et al., 1991). There is the fear of being discovered and shunned by people who might disapprove. There is the stress that comes along with the lack of recognition of one's partners: for example, the partner who is not invited to family gatherings and office parties may feel excluded and devalued. If the polyamorous individual has children who are not aware of the arrangement, there is the need to arrange a time and place to meet in private, rather than in the comfort of one's home. Polyamorous individuals may seek therapy to learn ways to cope with these stressors.
When the relationship is not kept secret, polyamorous individuals often feel that they need to prove to others that their lifestyle is viable (Falco, 1995). When polyamorous relationships end, it is often assumed by outsiders that the relationship structure was to blame, when in fact any number of other factors might have been behind the breakup. Few people would think to ask whether a breakup of a monogamous couple was due to the couple?s choice of monogamy as a lifestyle.
It was found that polyamorous individuals had slightly less frequent sex than the national average, emphasizing social activities, warmth, and open communication. The continuing emphasis was a focus on warmth, acceptance, communication and friendship with the freedom to touch, caress, and have the potentialfor sexual activity if chosen (p 429).
As these studies show, the alternative life styles chosen by individuals are not necessarily the cause nor the result of unhealthy personalities; in actuality, the alternative life style behavior may be supportive of the psychological health of the individuals (Peabody, 1982, 426,434).
Thus, therapists should not assume that polyamory is maladaptive, or that people in polyamorous unions would improve their relationships by shifting to a traditional monogamous style. Therapists who maintain that monogamy is inherently preferable to polyamory may be reflecting their own cultural biases, rather than considering what is best for their client's individual needs.
In many cultures, polyamory is the norm, and many benefits of this lifestyle have been reported. For instance, in Nigeria it is said that the sharing of responsibilities among members may greatly dilute the burden, financial or otherwise, of care for members with problems (Makanjuola, 1987, p. 366). Venezuelan Yanomamo women who choose a polygynous lifestyle may not need to work as long on household and child-care tasks as their monogamous sisters do, due to co-operation between co-wives (Hames, 1996).
In sum, many polyamorous people are in relatively stable primary relationships and do not seem to be motivated by neurotic and pathological needs.
(Peabody, 1982, p.430).
Now, the polyamorous lifestyle, while not inherently pathological, can present some unique challenges. The next section of this presentation will describe some of the lifestyle-specific concerns that polyamorous individuals may present with in therapy, and that therapists can be of help with (see also Appendix A). It should be remembered, of course, that polyamorous individuals often seek therapy for reasons that have nothing to do with their lifestyle per se.
Specific concerns of polyamorous individuals, which therapists can help with
One challenge that polyamorous individuals need to contend with is the label of deviance (Knapp, 1975; Mann, 1975). They may be shunned by members of some conservative religions, and (as in the example of the triad whose custody of their daughter was challenged) they are subject to legal discrimination. Polyamorous unions are not typically recognized by church or state, and spousal health benefits are not available for one's non-married partner. Many of the discriminations that the gay community faces are concerns for the polyamorous community as well (Browning, Reynolds, & Dworkin, 1991).
Often, polyamorous individuals choose not to reveal their multiple relationships to outsiders, as they perceive non-acceptance for their lifestyle from the wider society, (Peabody, 1982). Even close family members may be excluded from this knowledge (Ziskin & Ziskin, 1975). A study by Watson and Watson (1982) found that while 75% of polyamorous survey respondents wanted their children to know of their lifestyle, only 21% had actually informed their children of the full extent of their involvements with other partners. Some incorporate their children with them in the company of their secondary partners, and indicate that they enjoy the process of modeling an alternative for their children. Other parents feel that sharing the news of their lifestyle would be too upsetting for their children, or would not be understood, or would be shared openly with neighbors and school friends (p.54).
There are many strains that accompany the keeping of so large and important a secret (Browning et al., 1991). There is the fear of being discovered and shunned by people who might disapprove. There is the stress that comes along with the lack of recognition of one's partners: for example, the partner who is not invited to family gatherings and office parties may feel excluded and devalued. If the polyamorous individual has children who are not aware of the arrangement, there is the need to arrange a time and place to meet in private, rather than in the comfort of one's home. Polyamorous individuals may seek therapy to learn ways to cope with these stressors.
When the relationship is not kept secret, polyamorous individuals often feel that they need to prove to others that their lifestyle is viable (Falco, 1995). When polyamorous relationships end, it is often assumed by outsiders that the relationship structure was to blame, when in fact any number of other factors might have been behind the breakup. Few people would think to ask whether a breakup of a monogamous couple was due to the couple?s choice of monogamy as a lifestyle.
Source...