The support of family and friends is most important for a person who is going through bereavement. Many people might feel powerless, however, in soothing their friends, because they think that no matter what they do or say, they cannot reduce the suffering. It's true that some of the things we say might not only be useless, but also hurtful.

For example, you do NOT ever want to tell your friend any of the following:

€I know how you feel.€
€Your loved one is in a better place.€
€This is all according to God's plan.€

Saying things is not as helpful as doing practical things. But please do NOT ask your friend the following:

"What can I do for you?"
€If you need help, call me. OK?€

Your friend is in deep grief, he/she is not in a position to tell you what you can do for them, neither is he/she in a position to initiate a call. So what can you do that will truly be helpful?

Consider some of the following actions without being asked by your friend:

• Initiate Concrete Actions


Call your friend without waiting for them to call you. When you call, make a concrete action plan to help. For example,



€I'm coming over on Saturday morning to bring you some soup and help you mow the lawn.€

€I'm coming over this afternoon to take you for a walk.€



If you could coordinate with a group of friends who are able to take on specific tasks, that will be even better. These tasks could include everything from childcare, to cooking, to going to the grocery store.


• Recognize the Mask


If your friend appears to be doing well, or smiling, please remember that this is just a mask. Many bereaved people do not want to burden others with their grief, so they put on a smile or act as if they were well. No matter what the truth is, continue to offer support.


• Hanging Out Together


In many cases, just being physically there to hang out with the bereaved is the best thing you can do. It is not necessary to entertain them, just be with them. You can watch television programs on the nature, take a walk, or do some gardening together. It doesn't matter what you do, your presence is most important to your friend.


• Listen to Them


One of the most important ways in supporting the bereaved is to listen, in an accepting way, to their stories or to whatever they are feeling. Here you choose to listen, without interrupting, changing the subject, or offering unhelpful support attempts to fix the pain Simply listen!

As you listen, recognize that you don't have to solve their problems. All you need to do is to listen and to accept.


• Physical Touch


Bereaved individuals are often comforted by a squeeze of the hand, a touch on the arm, an arm around their shoulder, or a hug. There might be cultural difference regarding the needs of physical touch. Be mindful in reading your friend's needs.


• Keep Checking in after the Funeral


Many people stop supporting their bereaved friends after the funeral is over, thinking that there is no need for support any more. This is erroneous thinking. Indeed, the first three months after the funeral is the very period of time when your bereaved friend is most vulnerable and needs you the most. You need to continue to check in with your friend by calling or dropping by. Knowing that you care enough to do this is very healing for your friend.


• Be There for Them on Special Dates


Special dates can trigger the floodgate of grief and loneliness. For example, birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries, can be more difficult than other time. If your friend would be alone in these days, make sure to invite him/her to spend time with you or your family. They may decline your offer, but it means a great deal to them that you've thought of their needs and you care about them.

Encouraging Them to Get Therapeutic Help

If you suspect that your friend might be avoiding or delaying their grieving by distracting themselves with business or substance, please
encourage them to seek grief therapy and counseling. Help is available. If they learn not to push away their grief, it will be less likely that their unresolved grief turns into depression or addition in later days.