My name is Haley and I'm from Houston, Texas. Since I was old enough to know what having a crush was, I've always noticed girls more than boys. But I grew up in church, my parents were always on staff, they were even pastors for a while.

I've always been very in touch with my faith, and for that reason I've always liked boys, and gone out with boys. I even thought I was in love with one of them a few times.


Then I met her. And she changed everything.

When I was in high school I had to move around several times. The first time my family moved I decided that I wanted to change myself. The first day I went  to class I saw her, and fell for her. M changed my perspective on who I was and who I wanted to be, and not just for play or pretend. I was only fifteen then, and I wanted to fight it with all that I had. And I did.

She professed to be straight, still does to this day, but I was inexperienced, didn't know anything, and to me her harmless flirting was so much more. She led me on, and then was rude to me when she got threatened by her own truths that seemed to be escaping. M wasn't truly ever even really that great of a friend, but she started my journey to self honesty and for that I'm grateful.  

I deluded myself into thinking that it was a phase. But I now have no interest in boys. I haven't completely come out of my closet, but in my world, and in my mind, I feel a release in having opened the door to let some light in, so that I can see for myself who I am, and figure out who I want to be.

I'm eighteen now, and I don't know if I will ever tell my whole family that I am gay. But I'm closer to knowing who I am, and for now, I'm going to be satisfied with that. Maybe tell my most open minded friend, for a trial run. The lights coming in, and I'm starting to remember how good it feels to just accept who you are.