We all know that Prince Charming doesn't exist.
Don't we? Even as little girls growing up, we're told it's "just a fairy tale," but we're also given messages that offer false hope of someone sweeping us off our feet, changing our world so that nothing bad happens ever again, and allowing us to "live happily ever after.
" We've all been looking for our "knight in shining armor.
" At the same time we're told in words that this is not realistic, we're still given messages in our culture to support that unrealistic desire.
It's in movies, magazines, and billboards.
They're selling sex everywhere, yes, but when the message is aimed at women, the sex is still based on an unrealistically romantic storybook fairytale.
We wish we could have someone come into our lives, to "complete us," as if we aren't enough on our own.
This is just one of the most classic examples in which the world has it all upside down, so our prospective life partners have to measure up against the unrealistic storybook expectations we hold subconsciously.
That's one subtle but common way that we sabotage ourselves from having happy relationships.
And it's so unconscious that we don't realize that we're doing this to ourselves! Our significant others can't possibly measure up to the fairy tale Prince we unconsciously compare them to.
And we don't see ourselves doing it, so we just think it's our partner who has the problem.
When things don't happen perfectly in a storybook fashion as we'd like them to, we tell ourselves stories about how 'terrible' that is.
The stories we tell invoke deep heartfelt emotions like regret, sadness, even grief for the storybook life that never happened.
We feel angst from what we perceive as deprivation of the bliss we "should have had," and we always feel we're the only ones who didn't get to have that storybook life.
But it's the stories we tell ourselves that exacerbate this suffering and obscure the truth from our eyes.
The truth is it is not so much that it's terrible that these things happened.
It's really just that we so willingly allow the past to impede our ability to enjoy the present.
It may be Prince Charming we are missing out on, in the stories we tell, but more often than not, it's "Mother" or "Father Charming" we are truly missing.
The mothers and fathers many of us never had would have treated us like precious jewels, they would have considered our feelings at all times, and would have protected us from suffering.
Even for those who've really had parents who treated them like gold, their parents were still human so they made human mistakes.
Regardless, the storybook childhood is impossible to attain.
At some time in our lives, we all harbor resentments toward a parent or a spouse, and also toward ourselves at some level.
We all wish things had been different in some aspect of our lives, if not all aspects, and we don't know how to resolve this and be at peace.
We need to forgive the people (including ourselves) and the situations involved so we can take back the energy we waste on anger and resentment, but most people don't know how to do this.
Oprah says, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.
" This is consistent with what I teach my clients.
It also works for not only relationships and situations in the past, but it works in each moment of our lives.
We spend our time striving to get away from the moment.
This is dysfunctional to the max, and completely upside down from the results that we want: true peace and joy.
We want to feel connected, not isolated, but our egos want to separate us with anger and resentment and a deep unconscious need to change the past, which is impossible.
So if you want to enjoy your loved ones, if you truly want to enjoy your life, pay attention, and you'll notice that your mind keeps trying to change the past.
The goal then, is to give up the hope that changing the past is possible, cause it's not! We know that in our heads, but we have to realize it in our hearts as well.
When we do give up this subconscious and irrational hope that the past will change, magic happens.
Ironically, giving up this hope makes your world a brighter and more hopeful place where you can truly be happy! To Your Emotional Peace, Melody
Don't we? Even as little girls growing up, we're told it's "just a fairy tale," but we're also given messages that offer false hope of someone sweeping us off our feet, changing our world so that nothing bad happens ever again, and allowing us to "live happily ever after.
" We've all been looking for our "knight in shining armor.
" At the same time we're told in words that this is not realistic, we're still given messages in our culture to support that unrealistic desire.
It's in movies, magazines, and billboards.
They're selling sex everywhere, yes, but when the message is aimed at women, the sex is still based on an unrealistically romantic storybook fairytale.
We wish we could have someone come into our lives, to "complete us," as if we aren't enough on our own.
This is just one of the most classic examples in which the world has it all upside down, so our prospective life partners have to measure up against the unrealistic storybook expectations we hold subconsciously.
That's one subtle but common way that we sabotage ourselves from having happy relationships.
And it's so unconscious that we don't realize that we're doing this to ourselves! Our significant others can't possibly measure up to the fairy tale Prince we unconsciously compare them to.
And we don't see ourselves doing it, so we just think it's our partner who has the problem.
When things don't happen perfectly in a storybook fashion as we'd like them to, we tell ourselves stories about how 'terrible' that is.
The stories we tell invoke deep heartfelt emotions like regret, sadness, even grief for the storybook life that never happened.
We feel angst from what we perceive as deprivation of the bliss we "should have had," and we always feel we're the only ones who didn't get to have that storybook life.
But it's the stories we tell ourselves that exacerbate this suffering and obscure the truth from our eyes.
The truth is it is not so much that it's terrible that these things happened.
It's really just that we so willingly allow the past to impede our ability to enjoy the present.
It may be Prince Charming we are missing out on, in the stories we tell, but more often than not, it's "Mother" or "Father Charming" we are truly missing.
The mothers and fathers many of us never had would have treated us like precious jewels, they would have considered our feelings at all times, and would have protected us from suffering.
Even for those who've really had parents who treated them like gold, their parents were still human so they made human mistakes.
Regardless, the storybook childhood is impossible to attain.
At some time in our lives, we all harbor resentments toward a parent or a spouse, and also toward ourselves at some level.
We all wish things had been different in some aspect of our lives, if not all aspects, and we don't know how to resolve this and be at peace.
We need to forgive the people (including ourselves) and the situations involved so we can take back the energy we waste on anger and resentment, but most people don't know how to do this.
Oprah says, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.
" This is consistent with what I teach my clients.
It also works for not only relationships and situations in the past, but it works in each moment of our lives.
We spend our time striving to get away from the moment.
This is dysfunctional to the max, and completely upside down from the results that we want: true peace and joy.
We want to feel connected, not isolated, but our egos want to separate us with anger and resentment and a deep unconscious need to change the past, which is impossible.
So if you want to enjoy your loved ones, if you truly want to enjoy your life, pay attention, and you'll notice that your mind keeps trying to change the past.
The goal then, is to give up the hope that changing the past is possible, cause it's not! We know that in our heads, but we have to realize it in our hearts as well.
When we do give up this subconscious and irrational hope that the past will change, magic happens.
Ironically, giving up this hope makes your world a brighter and more hopeful place where you can truly be happy! To Your Emotional Peace, Melody
Source...