Changing your name after the wedding can be controversial and even a source of conflict. Just ask the Newlyweds' readers who have shared their opinions on the subject of wives changing their names post-wedding. Some people fear that the woman will lose their identity. Others argue that it's a must, so that husbands, wives, and their children all have the same last name. You can find just about ever suggestion you can think of on how to handle the name changing situation.

One idea that keeps coming up and, judging from responses, is trendy is for couples or entire families to choose a unique last name. Often, in these instances, the couple combines both of their last names to come up with one unique name. Then, they both change their name. So, should you and your spouse come up with a unique last name? Well, it's tough to say because every couple is different. Here are some guidelines to help you decide if this is the right path for you:

 

Consider your families of origin.

Both of you had a family before you married. That's most likely from where you received your last name. While you are now married, which means your spouse is your No. 1 family, you still have some allegiance to your family of origin. For instance, an only child might be reluctant to change her last name because there might be no one else to carry it on. You should discuss how you both feel about your families of origin, their last names, and any loyalty or concerns you have about moving away from their name.

Although your family of origin should not influence your final decision themselves, you might want to ask their thoughts just to know if you'd be offending anyone with your decision. It's also nice to prepare them for whatever you might decide to do.

 

Consider your children.

Having children may change your mind about changing your last name. If you don't have children already, you might want to think about what will happen if and when you do have them. Are you going to be upset if you have different last names? Will that cause any undo stress or problems for you or them? If you already have children, you still might want to ask yourself these questions. But there are others to ask, too. If these are your children with your current spouse and they are old enough, you might consider getting their opinion. Would they want to have a unique last name, too? Do they want to combine both parents' last names or something of that nature? If they are your children from another relationship and you currently have their last name, you have a big decision to make. Do you keep your ex's last name for the children's sake or do you take your new spouse's name? Or do you take back your original last name or do you make up a new one entirely? It's up to you and your family to decide. But you should weigh the consequences for your children. There are some paperwork hassles when parents and kids have different last names.
 

Consider each others' feelings.

Some husbands are offended if their new wife doesn't want to take their last name. They are traditionalists and see it as a rift. Then, there are wives who want to maintain a certain level of independence and identity and don't want to change their last names. They might be offended by a spouse who insists on changing. As a married couple, you must open the lines of communication. This is actually as good a subject as any to get started on communicating your feelings. Express to one another your opinions on the matter. And try to make a decision that suits both of you. Realize that you might need to compromise. Frankly, combining your names to come up with a unique name could be a way to find middle ground.

 

Consider your careers.

Changing your name can have consequences that go beyond your signature and social security card. If you are well known in an industry, for example, a name change could pose a problem. For instance, freelance writers who have a wealth of work that can be searched by their name on the Internet might not want to change their name. After all, it could look as though they are starting their career from scratch. Of course, the same is true for high-profile celebrities, who are known as actors or actresses of a different name. There is one way to get around this. You can change your name legally but continue to use your original name for work. Still, there are pros and cons to this and every person has to consider them and make a decision that works for him or her.

 

Consider the name you'll choose.

Coming up with a unique name has its own benefits and pitfalls. While both of your names can be represented, which makes the process seem fairer than the wife simply taking the husband's name, you still have to come up with a unique name that works for both of you. Combining your last names with a hyphen might be an option. But you have to consider length and whether they two go well together. Some words create offensive or weird phrases that you'll want to avoid. Again, you and your spouse will have to talk about your options, the names you would like to consider, and then come up with a unique last name that satisfies the both of you. Remember, you'll be living with this last name for the rest of your life, so you have to like it.