"I think we should spend some time apart... to think about things."
Scary, right? Of course it is. Your girlfriend is flirting with the prospect of breaking up with you, and it might look like a lost cause.
In reality, you have every right to be freaked out by such a situation. The 'talk' comes in many forms: "I need some space", "time to think", "room to breathe", "I'm not sure what I want"... but all of these phrases mean essentially the same thing: "Stay here and don't do anything while I decide if I'd like to date other people".
If the prospect of losing your girlfriend frightens you, there's a good chance you'll nod your head and agree with her. Maybe you even already did. When she came to you with this ultimatum, you probably didn't know what to do. And in order to keep your girlfriend happy, you reluctantly agreed to some kind of break.
In retrospect, this was the worst possible thing you could do.
Your Girlfriend Doesn't Want Time Apart - She Wants a One-Sided Breakup
Take a look at the above statement, because it's the most honest assement of this whole situation. Your now ex-girlfriend wants to go out, talk to, and possibly see other people... while leaving you behind to sit here and wonder what's next.
Are you allowed to see other people too? Even if you are, should you? Or will the act of dating someone else make your girlfriend realize you don't love her... driving the two of you even further apart?
Out of fear of losing her, most guys will sit back and wait for their girlfriends to "come back" to them. While on a break, they'll be good little boys and twiddle their thumbs while hoping and praying that their relationship isn't really over. And the more they do that? The greater the chances of the break becoming an actual breakup.
Calling or Talking to Your Girlfriend While on a Break
When your girlfriend wants time apart, what exactly are the rules? Do you call or text-message her, or is that strictly off-limits?
In trying to give your girlfriend her required space, it's not always easy to know what to do. In not calling, emailing, or communicating with your ex girlfriend, you might think you're sending the message that you don't care. So you call... you text... and when you do get a hold of her? Suddenly your girlfriend makes you feel bad, telling you to stop "crowding" or "smothering" her during this time. After all, this is a break... and she needs some time alone.
If you're at this point already, guess what? You've just shot yourself in the foot.
What To Do When Your Girlfriend Wants Time Off From The Relationship
If you're trying to avoid breaking up with your girlfriend, you need to take a stronger stance and a more unique approach to keeping her. This means standing up to her lame assertions that she needs space, and refusing to give her the unlimited freedom she'd love to be handed on a silver platter.
When your girlfriend wants a break, here's what you tell her:
"Sorry, no. I don't do 'breaks'. Either we date each other or we don't... there's no middle ground for me."
See what happened here? Your girlfriend expected to leave you behind so she could do her own thing, yet she also expected some sort of safety net. By agreeing with her terms (and waiting around patiently for the break to be over), you're essentially handing her the license to go out and see what else she can find... giving her the comfort of knowing you'll be there if and when she returns.
Want to hear some good news? Your girlfriend wants time apart instead of a break because, quite simply, she doesn't want to lose you completely. This means that she still has feelings for you, and that your relationship still matters.
By taking your relationship away all at once, you're making the choice for her. This will scare her immediately, because she's not ready for it.
"I care about our relationship too much to leave it in limbo. If you're looking for something else, no problem. Let's just break up so we can both do our own thing."
Saying this to your girlfriend may seem harsh, but it's an incredibly effective tool for getting her to stay with you. Chances are good that she doesn't want an immediate breakup, and she certainly doesn't want you going out and dating other girls. Â
Right now, she was hoping you'd sit idly by while she jumped on over the fence to see if the grass is actually greener on the other side. By telling her that you won't be waiting around for that to happen, you're creating a situation in which your girlfriend realizes that she stands to actually lose you.
What To Do If Your Relationship Is Already On A Break
Already agree to taking a break from each other? Don't worry, it's not quite as bad as you think. By stepping up right now and laying your cards on the table, you can let your soon-to-be ex girlfriend realize that you're no longer playing the chump. And the sooner you do this? The better.
Don't risk losing a good relationship over stupid baby games like this. When your girlfriend wants time apart, you need to stay strong and do the right thing. Making moves without a plan is relationship suicide... only by knowing exactly what to do and say can you be assured that your break won't become a breakup.
Scary, right? Of course it is. Your girlfriend is flirting with the prospect of breaking up with you, and it might look like a lost cause.
In reality, you have every right to be freaked out by such a situation. The 'talk' comes in many forms: "I need some space", "time to think", "room to breathe", "I'm not sure what I want"... but all of these phrases mean essentially the same thing: "Stay here and don't do anything while I decide if I'd like to date other people".
If the prospect of losing your girlfriend frightens you, there's a good chance you'll nod your head and agree with her. Maybe you even already did. When she came to you with this ultimatum, you probably didn't know what to do. And in order to keep your girlfriend happy, you reluctantly agreed to some kind of break.
In retrospect, this was the worst possible thing you could do.
Your Girlfriend Doesn't Want Time Apart - She Wants a One-Sided Breakup
Take a look at the above statement, because it's the most honest assement of this whole situation. Your now ex-girlfriend wants to go out, talk to, and possibly see other people... while leaving you behind to sit here and wonder what's next.
Are you allowed to see other people too? Even if you are, should you? Or will the act of dating someone else make your girlfriend realize you don't love her... driving the two of you even further apart?
Out of fear of losing her, most guys will sit back and wait for their girlfriends to "come back" to them. While on a break, they'll be good little boys and twiddle their thumbs while hoping and praying that their relationship isn't really over. And the more they do that? The greater the chances of the break becoming an actual breakup.
Calling or Talking to Your Girlfriend While on a Break
When your girlfriend wants time apart, what exactly are the rules? Do you call or text-message her, or is that strictly off-limits?
In trying to give your girlfriend her required space, it's not always easy to know what to do. In not calling, emailing, or communicating with your ex girlfriend, you might think you're sending the message that you don't care. So you call... you text... and when you do get a hold of her? Suddenly your girlfriend makes you feel bad, telling you to stop "crowding" or "smothering" her during this time. After all, this is a break... and she needs some time alone.
If you're at this point already, guess what? You've just shot yourself in the foot.
What To Do When Your Girlfriend Wants Time Off From The Relationship
If you're trying to avoid breaking up with your girlfriend, you need to take a stronger stance and a more unique approach to keeping her. This means standing up to her lame assertions that she needs space, and refusing to give her the unlimited freedom she'd love to be handed on a silver platter.
When your girlfriend wants a break, here's what you tell her:
"Sorry, no. I don't do 'breaks'. Either we date each other or we don't... there's no middle ground for me."
See what happened here? Your girlfriend expected to leave you behind so she could do her own thing, yet she also expected some sort of safety net. By agreeing with her terms (and waiting around patiently for the break to be over), you're essentially handing her the license to go out and see what else she can find... giving her the comfort of knowing you'll be there if and when she returns.
Want to hear some good news? Your girlfriend wants time apart instead of a break because, quite simply, she doesn't want to lose you completely. This means that she still has feelings for you, and that your relationship still matters.
By taking your relationship away all at once, you're making the choice for her. This will scare her immediately, because she's not ready for it.
"I care about our relationship too much to leave it in limbo. If you're looking for something else, no problem. Let's just break up so we can both do our own thing."
Saying this to your girlfriend may seem harsh, but it's an incredibly effective tool for getting her to stay with you. Chances are good that she doesn't want an immediate breakup, and she certainly doesn't want you going out and dating other girls. Â
Right now, she was hoping you'd sit idly by while she jumped on over the fence to see if the grass is actually greener on the other side. By telling her that you won't be waiting around for that to happen, you're creating a situation in which your girlfriend realizes that she stands to actually lose you.
What To Do If Your Relationship Is Already On A Break
Already agree to taking a break from each other? Don't worry, it's not quite as bad as you think. By stepping up right now and laying your cards on the table, you can let your soon-to-be ex girlfriend realize that you're no longer playing the chump. And the sooner you do this? The better.
Don't risk losing a good relationship over stupid baby games like this. When your girlfriend wants time apart, you need to stay strong and do the right thing. Making moves without a plan is relationship suicide... only by knowing exactly what to do and say can you be assured that your break won't become a breakup.
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