Some questions are universal for all marriages.
Things like how do we keep love alive, how do make our marriage stronger and how do we keep the spark are examples of these common questions.
From the moment of 'I do', maybe even from the moment of saying 'yes', you've made the pact to commit to something wonderful and for a lifetime.
While you are dating the passion, spark and love often feel as if they are easy and natural.
But how do you keep it going once the reality becomes you and your spouse together through it all, thick and thin? Probably the most critical thing a couple needs to do is to really dig in and discover what about them is similar and different.
Often before marriage we just dismiss the differences and focus the things that "bring us together".
This is a mistake.
You really need to know both.
The same goes for strengths and weaknesses.
These things make us unique, but can often be a major source of trouble down the line.
While dating you often get a lot of time focusing on those strengths and similarities that make the other person appealing, but when you are trying to make a long-term relationship work, it's where you are different or weak that will be important.
Don't ignore those things and assume that your "love will overcome" the problems, be proactive and address the issues before they become major irritants.
Interestingly, the best approach is to think of how you could save your marriage before a problem arises.
When you start planning a marriage, one thing you plan is your sacred vows.
Don't take this lightly! There is a reason the traditional vows refer to sickness, poorer and worse.
You are going to have problems, period.
No relationship is perfect.
The sooner we acknowledge that the better.
Struggles in marriage can tear it apart or make it stronger.
On deciding factor is being prepared for those struggles.
Prepare by accepting that you will have difficulties and looking for ways to solve problems before they become problems.
Something that is mildly annoying now, will very likely being argument material later.
Look at the annoyance and address it.
Can you live with it as is assuming it will never change? Is it something minor that can be changed? Are there arrangements that can make the problem less of a problem? All too often these days, couples just accept that conflict means they aren't compatible and they simply divorce.
One thing you have to accept from the beginning is that difficulties don't mean you weren't "meant to be together".
It will help save your marriage before it starts to fail, if you approach each difficulty as a challenge to strengthen your love instead of a crisis that is revealing you incompatibility.
Some more quick tips to save your marriage before it fails: One word that cannot be repeated enough: Communication! You've got to talk to each other AND listen.
It helps no one if you are just talking "at" each other.
Don't start coming up with you rebuttal while they are still talking! Try to view their whole statement before you come up with your response.
An amazing amount of problems can be solved just by that simple advice alone.
In fact, if you wait to speak you may find that your partner solves their problem for themselves.
A lot times people just need to vent without and condemnation or rebuttal.
It can be therapeutic just to let someone know you are having a problem.
Remember, everyone just wants to be loved and accepted! Stay positive! I live and die by this next statement: "If a person compliments you: believe them, period.
Assume they are telling the truth and be happy.
If a person insults you: assume they are lying.
Maybe they're having a bad day.
Maybe they're a liar.
Maybe they don't mean it and are just mad.
" It is amazingly freeing and powerful to live like that.
This is just as true in marriage as it is anywhere else.
Maybe you won't assume they are a liar, but you can assume they are having a bad day! And keep the reverse in mind.
Treat them with your positive words and refrain from tearing them down.
Maybe you do need to tell them something bad, but do it in a positive way.
Compliment them on something you truly believe.
Then talk to them about the negative thing, but without being insulting.
Focus on the love, not the problem.
Especially don't nag them about something you want to change.
Nagging just causes resentment and anger.
Nag long enough and your partner is likely to magnify the problem just to irritate you back.
This leads back to communication: it is better to talk something out then to bug someone to attempt a change.
Share your time! Make sure have plenty of quality time together to build those positive memories.
It gets easy to forget this once you settle into a routine, especially when it comes to your jobs.
What is more important the job that supports your marriage or the marriage it is supporting? Way too many couples hit later in life and then feel then can finally enjoy time together, because now they have the time and money only to realize they already lost each other.
Live for the now to build the later.
Dedication now, builds strength to handle the later challenges.
Who wants to be alone with a stranger in their twilight years? Be intimate.
It may seem absolutely insane right now when you are in the midst of loving each other hot and heavy, but life catches up with people and sometimes they just forget to be intimate! Sexual attraction is one of the reasons you got together in the first place.
Take the time to be sexy for each other.
Don't fall into a just satisfying the carnal need rut.
Spend some time working with your partner's love language.
If they are touch, cuddle up on the couch for a good movie.
If they are words, write a love poem and hang it from your bedroom doorpost.
If they are quality time, do something they love to do with them and ask questions to learn about it.
If they are gifts, take the time to make something cute and wrap it up for them on a day that isn't their birthday or Christmas.
A successful marriage is a collusion of a lot of factors.
Use as many tools as you can to give yourself even more chance to make it in the long run.
Practice these tips and you can help save your marriage before it starts to fail!