Does it seem like you've tried everything to get through your husband's head? Is it rare that a single day goes by without you finding yourself yelling at him? No matter how much you shout, cry, or pour your heart out, you never manage to get through to him. All you want is to feel loved, adored, and heard. Why is it so hard for your man to show you the love you desire? The problem is your approach shuts your man down emotionally and puts him into a defensive mode. He isn't acting this way because he dislikes you or doesn't love you anymore. Like most people, he just doesn't respond positively to any sign of aggression. The only communication style in which he reacts positively to is an assertive one.
What Is the Difference Between Being Aggressive and Assertive?
When you act aggressive, you trigger the fight or flight response in your man. Simply put, the fight or flight response is a physiological reaction to a perceived threat. This innate response is beneficial when it comes to saving your life, but not so much when nurturing a romantic relationship. When fight or flight is triggered, adrenaline and other hormones are released through your body. Not surprisingly, it's virtually impossible to get what you want from your husband when you approach him in an aggressive way.
On the other hand, when you act assertive, you express your opinions, thoughts, wants, and needs in a calm, respectful way without accusations. For example, if your husband doesn't spend enough time with you, you could say €I feel disappointed and sad that we haven't spent much time together lately. Can you make some time for us to see a movie together and go out to our favorite restaurant?€ These two sentences express how you feel, state why you feel that way in a non-aggressive way, and offer a solution. This approach also avoids name-calling, speaking in absolutes, accusing, and other unpleasant aspects of fighting that hurt your marriage. Naturally, your man responds more positively to this method of communication because it's concise, calm, and collected.
How Can You Be Assertive?
Sometimes it can be hard to understand what behaviors and words fall into the assertive category and which come off as aggressive. The first thing you should do is pay close attention to your tone of voice and behaviors. When you are upset over something, you may not even be aware that you have a negative tone of voice that sounds threatening. In addition, you most likely exhibit negative body language, such as rolling your eyes or sighing. Even when you say the right non-aggressive words, if your body language and voice indicate otherwise, you won't get through to your spouse.
Changing your communication style is an important step to take to save your marriage because communicating in an aggressive, intimidating, threatening, or accusatory manner does more harm than good. How can you ever get your man to open up more and be close with you if he keeps shutting down? It's very unlikely that you can have a healthy, intimate relationship this way. However, expressing yourself assertively takes some time and effort to master. You are so used to the way you currently communicate that the change cannot happen overnight. Therefore, you must consistently work at learning how to be assertive, so you can live in harmony with your man, reignite the spark, and get what you want out of the relationship.
What Is the Difference Between Being Aggressive and Assertive?
When you act aggressive, you trigger the fight or flight response in your man. Simply put, the fight or flight response is a physiological reaction to a perceived threat. This innate response is beneficial when it comes to saving your life, but not so much when nurturing a romantic relationship. When fight or flight is triggered, adrenaline and other hormones are released through your body. Not surprisingly, it's virtually impossible to get what you want from your husband when you approach him in an aggressive way.
On the other hand, when you act assertive, you express your opinions, thoughts, wants, and needs in a calm, respectful way without accusations. For example, if your husband doesn't spend enough time with you, you could say €I feel disappointed and sad that we haven't spent much time together lately. Can you make some time for us to see a movie together and go out to our favorite restaurant?€ These two sentences express how you feel, state why you feel that way in a non-aggressive way, and offer a solution. This approach also avoids name-calling, speaking in absolutes, accusing, and other unpleasant aspects of fighting that hurt your marriage. Naturally, your man responds more positively to this method of communication because it's concise, calm, and collected.
How Can You Be Assertive?
Sometimes it can be hard to understand what behaviors and words fall into the assertive category and which come off as aggressive. The first thing you should do is pay close attention to your tone of voice and behaviors. When you are upset over something, you may not even be aware that you have a negative tone of voice that sounds threatening. In addition, you most likely exhibit negative body language, such as rolling your eyes or sighing. Even when you say the right non-aggressive words, if your body language and voice indicate otherwise, you won't get through to your spouse.
Changing your communication style is an important step to take to save your marriage because communicating in an aggressive, intimidating, threatening, or accusatory manner does more harm than good. How can you ever get your man to open up more and be close with you if he keeps shutting down? It's very unlikely that you can have a healthy, intimate relationship this way. However, expressing yourself assertively takes some time and effort to master. You are so used to the way you currently communicate that the change cannot happen overnight. Therefore, you must consistently work at learning how to be assertive, so you can live in harmony with your man, reignite the spark, and get what you want out of the relationship.
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