Oh no! You and your amazing fiance were thinking of tying the knot, getting married. Everything was going so well. Maybe you were even making plans for your big day, and spending money on it. Now all that is down the drain, it seems. Your only desperate thought at the moment is, how to get your fiance back.
This is surely one of the most heartbreaking experiences you will ever face. The joy of planning a marriage, the idea and expectation of living happily ever after together… gone. Plus you have the added embarrassment of telling everyone that the wedding is off. Your future may be looking very shaky and uncertain to you right now, even overwhelming.
The good news is, you can usually get your fiance back, if you know what to do and what NOT to do. Believe it or not, your best friends at present are Mr. Distance and Mrs. Time. Put both to work for you right away, like this:
Step 1:
Do not call, email, text or tweet your fiance. Do not visit his Facebook page. Do not leave messages on his answering machine. Do not ask his family or friends about him. In fact, pretend for all to see that you are letting him go, and moving on.
Step 2:
Now you are apart. Let the days and a few weeks run by. Human nature being what it is, your ex is wondering why he has not heard from you. He is also thinking hard about how to get your fiance back. He may even be reading books on the subject, such as The Magic of Making Up.
As for you, spend this time getting your own act together. Work out at the gym, resolve not to repeat the mistakes of the past relationship, THINK about how to better handle your differences, and learn how to communicate better.
Step 3:
Speaking of communicating, that is actually the key to how to get your fiance back. Force yourself to discuss serious issues without yelling or getting hot under the collar. Learn to fight fair. That means no personal attacks, no bringing up mistakes of the past, and no criticizing members of their family.
No he said… she said. Stick to the facts, the problem at hand, and the issues in front of you. Do not try to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the other person is to blame. You are trying to find solutions and compromises here, not blame. Your goal is not to win the battle, for then you will surely lose the war, so to speak. You are both in this together. If one of you wins and the other loses, then you both lose.
Step 4:
Think back to the early days of your relationship. Remember how in love, how attached to each other you were? Sure you do. Try to be that spontaneous, gentle romantic lover again. That is who he/she fell in love with, after all.
Now you are ready to reconnect with your fiance. Talk patiently and carefully about what happened, about why you or they bolted from the relationship. It will certainly not be simple or easy. It never is. But you can do it. Let your fiance see the new, improved you. Show that you can talk about serious things in a calm, mature manner. Finally, you are on the right road, the road that will get your fiance back.
This is surely one of the most heartbreaking experiences you will ever face. The joy of planning a marriage, the idea and expectation of living happily ever after together… gone. Plus you have the added embarrassment of telling everyone that the wedding is off. Your future may be looking very shaky and uncertain to you right now, even overwhelming.
The good news is, you can usually get your fiance back, if you know what to do and what NOT to do. Believe it or not, your best friends at present are Mr. Distance and Mrs. Time. Put both to work for you right away, like this:
Step 1:
Do not call, email, text or tweet your fiance. Do not visit his Facebook page. Do not leave messages on his answering machine. Do not ask his family or friends about him. In fact, pretend for all to see that you are letting him go, and moving on.
Step 2:
Now you are apart. Let the days and a few weeks run by. Human nature being what it is, your ex is wondering why he has not heard from you. He is also thinking hard about how to get your fiance back. He may even be reading books on the subject, such as The Magic of Making Up.
As for you, spend this time getting your own act together. Work out at the gym, resolve not to repeat the mistakes of the past relationship, THINK about how to better handle your differences, and learn how to communicate better.
Step 3:
Speaking of communicating, that is actually the key to how to get your fiance back. Force yourself to discuss serious issues without yelling or getting hot under the collar. Learn to fight fair. That means no personal attacks, no bringing up mistakes of the past, and no criticizing members of their family.
No he said… she said. Stick to the facts, the problem at hand, and the issues in front of you. Do not try to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the other person is to blame. You are trying to find solutions and compromises here, not blame. Your goal is not to win the battle, for then you will surely lose the war, so to speak. You are both in this together. If one of you wins and the other loses, then you both lose.
Step 4:
Think back to the early days of your relationship. Remember how in love, how attached to each other you were? Sure you do. Try to be that spontaneous, gentle romantic lover again. That is who he/she fell in love with, after all.
Now you are ready to reconnect with your fiance. Talk patiently and carefully about what happened, about why you or they bolted from the relationship. It will certainly not be simple or easy. It never is. But you can do it. Let your fiance see the new, improved you. Show that you can talk about serious things in a calm, mature manner. Finally, you are on the right road, the road that will get your fiance back.
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