The following is an actual letter I sent to a close Christianfriend in 1999, immediately after being diagnosed with HIV. Ihesitated going public with this now, not wanting to throw fuelon the fire of those who would cruelly abuse this informationagainst me in a vain attempt to discredit what I say and writeon many controversial topics, narrowly focusing on thisimperfect messenger rather than concentrating on my God-givenbiblical message.
However, I trust that the many principles involved here - theprocess of conversion, love and forgiveness, faith and patience,how perfection is our goal and destiny, how deadly serious sinis, making the most of our experiences, the amazing grace ofGod, etc., can benefit others who are able to glean somethingpositive from such life experiences to bless their own lives andothers and glorify God.****************************************************************
My Christian friend from NFO, Jen, emailed me when she foundout about Tony, other than being sorry to hear it: "I reallyhope that this may be some sort of wake up call - you're toosmart to do some of the stuff you do, and you have a lot offriends who worry about you...".
She knows, because I've talked with her a lot, that I've beenfar from a disciplined Christian when it comes to sex outside ofmarriage. She's a "born-again virgin," to her credit, vowingnever to have sex again until marriage - so help her God!
The wake up call if TOO LATE, in one sense. After finding outthat Tony had the dreaded disease, I thought it's more likely Iwould have it since I've been more "risky" than him (and we'reonly friends), so I went and got tested to play it safe (punintended). Well, I was devastated yesterday morning to have thenice and pretty lady tell me that she "didn't have good news."
I've been diagnosed with HIV by the Eliza test and it's beenbacked up/confirmed by the European blot test. My first thoughtwas where is the highest building to jump off of, as tearsfilled my eyes, and then I was in that dream state where thiscan't be happening, this is all unreal, I'm watching a movie,how will I tell mom and Kim and Lisa and everybody, why did Ihave to be so stupid? Why couldn't/didn't I stop sinning andlive? As Cher sings, "If I could turn back time." But the womantried to comfort me that whereas most people used to die within2 years, now many are living up to 10 years without anysymptoms. I also don't have any symptoms now.
She gave me all the information and numbers and places likeDavid's House and MCO to help out people like me with noinsurance (and now I'll NEVER be able to get any), all theinformation that I never wanted to hear or have to receive(probably like you now, sorry)....
I went and told mom in person, as Bob suggested, and she toldKim who cried with me on the phone, and they're going to tellLisa. Of course, I could live a "normal" life and outliveeverybody, one never knows. All I know is I prayed to God yearsago, in my beloved Israel, that I wanted to be in His Kingdom NOMATTER WHAT - even if it took AIDS to help me get and staystraight. Well, it looks like God might let my body be destroyedto save my soul; or He'll let me have it, if He doesn't heal me(and He could), to keep me celibate (since He knows I won't goout and give it to others like some wicked people I know).
Mom said, "God hasn't let you live this long to let you dienow." I just hate the selfishness of sin, how I've now hurt andaffected my family, and then there's the STIGMA that astruggling Christian writer would have AIDS! But God promiseseverything works together for good, for those of us who arecalled according to His wonderful Purpose.
This is only my second day of "living with AIDS" and I'm alreadysick and tired of thinking and/or worrying about it. Of course Ihad another test done right then and there just in case, howeverunlikely, that they switched my blood tube with someone else's.Anyway, life goes on.
Shabbat Shalom,
Your bro,
David
However, I trust that the many principles involved here - theprocess of conversion, love and forgiveness, faith and patience,how perfection is our goal and destiny, how deadly serious sinis, making the most of our experiences, the amazing grace ofGod, etc., can benefit others who are able to glean somethingpositive from such life experiences to bless their own lives andothers and glorify God.****************************************************************
My Christian friend from NFO, Jen, emailed me when she foundout about Tony, other than being sorry to hear it: "I reallyhope that this may be some sort of wake up call - you're toosmart to do some of the stuff you do, and you have a lot offriends who worry about you...".
She knows, because I've talked with her a lot, that I've beenfar from a disciplined Christian when it comes to sex outside ofmarriage. She's a "born-again virgin," to her credit, vowingnever to have sex again until marriage - so help her God!
The wake up call if TOO LATE, in one sense. After finding outthat Tony had the dreaded disease, I thought it's more likely Iwould have it since I've been more "risky" than him (and we'reonly friends), so I went and got tested to play it safe (punintended). Well, I was devastated yesterday morning to have thenice and pretty lady tell me that she "didn't have good news."
I've been diagnosed with HIV by the Eliza test and it's beenbacked up/confirmed by the European blot test. My first thoughtwas where is the highest building to jump off of, as tearsfilled my eyes, and then I was in that dream state where thiscan't be happening, this is all unreal, I'm watching a movie,how will I tell mom and Kim and Lisa and everybody, why did Ihave to be so stupid? Why couldn't/didn't I stop sinning andlive? As Cher sings, "If I could turn back time." But the womantried to comfort me that whereas most people used to die within2 years, now many are living up to 10 years without anysymptoms. I also don't have any symptoms now.
She gave me all the information and numbers and places likeDavid's House and MCO to help out people like me with noinsurance (and now I'll NEVER be able to get any), all theinformation that I never wanted to hear or have to receive(probably like you now, sorry)....
I went and told mom in person, as Bob suggested, and she toldKim who cried with me on the phone, and they're going to tellLisa. Of course, I could live a "normal" life and outliveeverybody, one never knows. All I know is I prayed to God yearsago, in my beloved Israel, that I wanted to be in His Kingdom NOMATTER WHAT - even if it took AIDS to help me get and staystraight. Well, it looks like God might let my body be destroyedto save my soul; or He'll let me have it, if He doesn't heal me(and He could), to keep me celibate (since He knows I won't goout and give it to others like some wicked people I know).
Mom said, "God hasn't let you live this long to let you dienow." I just hate the selfishness of sin, how I've now hurt andaffected my family, and then there's the STIGMA that astruggling Christian writer would have AIDS! But God promiseseverything works together for good, for those of us who arecalled according to His wonderful Purpose.
This is only my second day of "living with AIDS" and I'm alreadysick and tired of thinking and/or worrying about it. Of course Ihad another test done right then and there just in case, howeverunlikely, that they switched my blood tube with someone else's.Anyway, life goes on.
Shabbat Shalom,
Your bro,
David
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