This is a recurring question that many are plagued with and as Christian counselors [http://www.aandbcounseling.org] we cannot decide for a client but must encourage and coach them to make this decision for themselves. Whether or not to confess the sin of adultery to one's spouse is a dilemma for many Christians. Worldly "experts" usually encourage adulterers to keep their mouths shut about their infidelities, proclaiming worse damage will be done by confessing. If the spouse confesses then they risk divorce. Even if the spouse does not opt for that, they are typically left with a deep anger and resentment for a long time. They find themselves never able to trust again. The fallout from confessing sin to the spouse could be devastating to all involved, so it must be weighed carefully.
The problem with this is that it stifles one's conscience and does not allow for the restoration of relationships that confession is intended to encompass. James 5:16 (NAS) says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed...."
While each case must be assessed separately, our experience is that it is generally better for the offending spouse to confess to the victim spouse because the convicting power of the Holy Spirit is strong, powerful and relentless. Often times, the victim spouse has had suspicions along the way and this "baring of the soul" can begin to lay the groundwork for healing and restoration. We find that many of the issues that couples deal with were in place before the troubles or often even the marriage began. We encourage that both, if willing, go through counseling and typically deliverance ministry. The walls of trust that were shattered because of the affair need to be rebuilt, one brick..one act of faithfulness.. at a time.
The apostle Paul wisely stated that "...I always do my best to maintain always a blameless conscience both before God and before men" (Acts 24:16). Although adultery is a sin against God, first and foremost, the Bible also says that our bodies do not belong to ourselves, but also to the one we are married to (1 Corinthians 7:4). The physical act of sex is the symbol of the way a married couple becomes one flesh when God joins them together in marriage (1 Corinthians 6:15-16). For these reasons, a person who has committed adultery should pray and allow the Holy Spirit to lead him, confessing the infidelity at the appropriate time.
A guilty conscience will not go away simply by trying to ignore it. It may, in fact, lead to psychological and even physical problems. As difficult as it would be for anyone to tell their husband or wife that they have been unfaithful, it is necessary not only for the integrity of the marriage, but also for the relationship between the person and God, so that their conscience may be clear and they will be able to live a holy and blameless life. We have seen many marriages that have damaged and ultimately destroyed because of an adulterous affair. However, if the offended spouse is willing, we have also seen the power of God move to restore and rebuild this marriage even stronger than it was before!
The problem with this is that it stifles one's conscience and does not allow for the restoration of relationships that confession is intended to encompass. James 5:16 (NAS) says, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed...."
While each case must be assessed separately, our experience is that it is generally better for the offending spouse to confess to the victim spouse because the convicting power of the Holy Spirit is strong, powerful and relentless. Often times, the victim spouse has had suspicions along the way and this "baring of the soul" can begin to lay the groundwork for healing and restoration. We find that many of the issues that couples deal with were in place before the troubles or often even the marriage began. We encourage that both, if willing, go through counseling and typically deliverance ministry. The walls of trust that were shattered because of the affair need to be rebuilt, one brick..one act of faithfulness.. at a time.
The apostle Paul wisely stated that "...I always do my best to maintain always a blameless conscience both before God and before men" (Acts 24:16). Although adultery is a sin against God, first and foremost, the Bible also says that our bodies do not belong to ourselves, but also to the one we are married to (1 Corinthians 7:4). The physical act of sex is the symbol of the way a married couple becomes one flesh when God joins them together in marriage (1 Corinthians 6:15-16). For these reasons, a person who has committed adultery should pray and allow the Holy Spirit to lead him, confessing the infidelity at the appropriate time.
A guilty conscience will not go away simply by trying to ignore it. It may, in fact, lead to psychological and even physical problems. As difficult as it would be for anyone to tell their husband or wife that they have been unfaithful, it is necessary not only for the integrity of the marriage, but also for the relationship between the person and God, so that their conscience may be clear and they will be able to live a holy and blameless life. We have seen many marriages that have damaged and ultimately destroyed because of an adulterous affair. However, if the offended spouse is willing, we have also seen the power of God move to restore and rebuild this marriage even stronger than it was before!
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