My coming out story is a little bit different than the ones I found when I was coming out of the closet. In fact, I think the most important point of my coming out story is not how to embrace a gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans identity. Instead, it is to accept yourself for who you are and deal with your feelings on a day-to-day basis.
Let’s face it. As human beings, we are inclined to want straightforward definitions for things.
If you admit to having a same-sex attraction, most likely, the first question somebody will ask you is “Are you gay?” You don’t have to give them a definite answer. Believe it or not, nowadays people are more accepting of the “in-between” phase, whether they understand it or not.
I spent an entire year flipping between gay, straight and bisexual. I was more concerned with defining myself to others than learning and growing from my experience. Because I was so unsure of myself and my sexuality, I shut down, refusing to have relationships with either women or men. I was too worried about making the “wrong decision” and being caught in something that I eventually wouldn’t want.
Finally I reached a point where I decided I had to just accept myself for who I was. I experienced attraction to both women and men. I had crushes on both sexes. I felt the desire to make out with my close guy friends and girl friends. Instead of worrying, I was honest with myself and with everyone else about how I felt.
I just didn’t know. It had been two full years and I still didn’t know what my sexual orientation was.
I emphasize this because if the person reading this is in that same boat – it is okay. Many of us who eventually come out as gay, lesbian or bisexual go through periods of being completely unsure. These periods can last for as little as a few weeks or as long as many, many years. I have friends who were absolutely positive that they were gay, and then all of a sudden they fell in love with someone of the opposite sex. I spoke with a woman 40 years old who spent her entire life NEVER having attractions to the same sex. However, she met a lesbian coworker who rocked her world and now they are a couple and happy as can be. She has never felt so alive before in her life.
Let’s face it. As human beings, we are inclined to want straightforward definitions for things.
If you admit to having a same-sex attraction, most likely, the first question somebody will ask you is “Are you gay?” You don’t have to give them a definite answer. Believe it or not, nowadays people are more accepting of the “in-between” phase, whether they understand it or not.
I spent an entire year flipping between gay, straight and bisexual. I was more concerned with defining myself to others than learning and growing from my experience. Because I was so unsure of myself and my sexuality, I shut down, refusing to have relationships with either women or men. I was too worried about making the “wrong decision” and being caught in something that I eventually wouldn’t want.
Finally I reached a point where I decided I had to just accept myself for who I was. I experienced attraction to both women and men. I had crushes on both sexes. I felt the desire to make out with my close guy friends and girl friends. Instead of worrying, I was honest with myself and with everyone else about how I felt.
I just didn’t know. It had been two full years and I still didn’t know what my sexual orientation was.
Are you in the same boat as me?
I emphasize this because if the person reading this is in that same boat – it is okay. Many of us who eventually come out as gay, lesbian or bisexual go through periods of being completely unsure. These periods can last for as little as a few weeks or as long as many, many years. I have friends who were absolutely positive that they were gay, and then all of a sudden they fell in love with someone of the opposite sex. I spoke with a woman 40 years old who spent her entire life NEVER having attractions to the same sex. However, she met a lesbian coworker who rocked her world and now they are a couple and happy as can be. She has never felt so alive before in her life.
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