Remarriage & Ex-Spouses - How to Avoid Getting Pulled Into Old Conflicts Between Your Fiance & Ex
Remarriage has some complications.
One of the biggest is the ex-spouse.
It can be especially difficult to watch your fiance become upset or hurt by their ex-spouse.
While it's only natural to stick up for your fiance, I want to encourage you to think before you speak.
Your fiance's relationship with his/her ex-spouse is an important one.
I like to say they are in business together now.
They are partners in the business of raising their kids.
While you will become a member of the family, you aren't a direct partner in this "business.
" Because of that, you need to be cautious about jumping in the middle of arguments between your fiance and ex-spouse.
It's not uncommon for ex-spouses to fall into old fighting patterns from their marriage.
Issues related to trust, money and choices are usual hot spots for ex-spouses.
These are the same problem areas they struggled with when they were married.
More than likely even though the subject of the arguments may be related to the children, the heart of them is old marital complaints.
This is why it's important for you to be careful not to get sucked into these arguments.
They really have little to do with what's going on in the present and are more about the past.
A past you were not a part of.
So what can you do? Your role in these types of arguments is to be a good listener.
Let your fiance blow off some steam about what happened between them and their ex.
This isn't a time for you to be offering your advice.
Just listen and acknowledge that it's a difficult situation.
Let them know you're here for them and are willing to be supportive.
But let your fiance and his/her ex sort out whatever they are arguing about.
A final note to keep in mind is that these arguments are probably what lead to the end of their marriage.
The topics of their arguments are important for you to pay attention to.
These are touchy areas for your fiance and more than likely areas he/she will become defensive about with you.
That means those are topics that you and your fiance will have to work extra hard on so they don't become a stumbling block in your upcoming marriage.
One of the biggest is the ex-spouse.
It can be especially difficult to watch your fiance become upset or hurt by their ex-spouse.
While it's only natural to stick up for your fiance, I want to encourage you to think before you speak.
Your fiance's relationship with his/her ex-spouse is an important one.
I like to say they are in business together now.
They are partners in the business of raising their kids.
While you will become a member of the family, you aren't a direct partner in this "business.
" Because of that, you need to be cautious about jumping in the middle of arguments between your fiance and ex-spouse.
It's not uncommon for ex-spouses to fall into old fighting patterns from their marriage.
Issues related to trust, money and choices are usual hot spots for ex-spouses.
These are the same problem areas they struggled with when they were married.
More than likely even though the subject of the arguments may be related to the children, the heart of them is old marital complaints.
This is why it's important for you to be careful not to get sucked into these arguments.
They really have little to do with what's going on in the present and are more about the past.
A past you were not a part of.
So what can you do? Your role in these types of arguments is to be a good listener.
Let your fiance blow off some steam about what happened between them and their ex.
This isn't a time for you to be offering your advice.
Just listen and acknowledge that it's a difficult situation.
Let them know you're here for them and are willing to be supportive.
But let your fiance and his/her ex sort out whatever they are arguing about.
A final note to keep in mind is that these arguments are probably what lead to the end of their marriage.
The topics of their arguments are important for you to pay attention to.
These are touchy areas for your fiance and more than likely areas he/she will become defensive about with you.
That means those are topics that you and your fiance will have to work extra hard on so they don't become a stumbling block in your upcoming marriage.
Source...