Do you ever find you are simply 'talking to yourself' when it comes to communicating with your children? Well, it is also quite possible that your children hear you talking to them like the Charlie Brown cartoon's adults sounded to Charlie and his friends! Whether this is the case or not, it is important that communication happen and, since we are the adults, it falls to us to put forth the effort it takes to listen to what our children are saying in order that the channel of communication become a two-way street.
As we become adults, we can forget what it was like to be a child.
And, as such, we can forget what the world is like from a child's perspective.
We tend to approach each situation from a 'grown up' viewpoint, not allowing our children to have any meaningful input.
Instead of being proactive to our children's opinions, we become reactive.
By so doing the child senses that we aren't really listening to what they are saying.
Thus, communication becomes nothing more than a shouting match with no winners! A great way to overcome this is to ask questions and then allow the child to respond in his or her own words.
This approach is most properly handled by allowing them to answer the questions they are asking themselves under the direction of the parent.
The number one way to accomplish this is to ask "so, what do you think"? This invites the child's input, thus letting them know you value their opinion.
Another important fact to remember is that you must give your child your full attention.
Whatever you are doing, when your child comes to you to talk, stop and give them your undivided attention.
If this is not possible, make sure you let them know that you need to finish what you are doing first; then make good on your promise to hear what they have to say after you are done with what you were doing.
Be sure to maintain eye contact, keep your voice calm and enter into the problem solving by not only offering solutions but by also considering your child's ideas about finding a solution to their situation.
Often, the child may feel bad, guilty, angry or frustrated and this can be something they will manifest during your talk.
Even though we as adults may be inclined to discourage this type behavior, we might want to think twice about that approach.
If we can disregard certain behaviors by reminding ourselves that at least our children are talking to us, we can remain calm; even in the midst of the storm! Be sure to do all you can to guide the conversation regarding their problem by simply making suggestions that will enable them to come up with the solution themselves.
By reminding ourselves that we also experience difficult situations in our lives, we will be better able to relate with what our children are going through.
We may even share a similar experience we have had that can bridge that generational gap; thus arrive at a solution to the problem together.
Above all, be a good listener; your children will be more likely to talk to you about their life problems knowing that you really do care!
As we become adults, we can forget what it was like to be a child.
And, as such, we can forget what the world is like from a child's perspective.
We tend to approach each situation from a 'grown up' viewpoint, not allowing our children to have any meaningful input.
Instead of being proactive to our children's opinions, we become reactive.
By so doing the child senses that we aren't really listening to what they are saying.
Thus, communication becomes nothing more than a shouting match with no winners! A great way to overcome this is to ask questions and then allow the child to respond in his or her own words.
This approach is most properly handled by allowing them to answer the questions they are asking themselves under the direction of the parent.
The number one way to accomplish this is to ask "so, what do you think"? This invites the child's input, thus letting them know you value their opinion.
Another important fact to remember is that you must give your child your full attention.
Whatever you are doing, when your child comes to you to talk, stop and give them your undivided attention.
If this is not possible, make sure you let them know that you need to finish what you are doing first; then make good on your promise to hear what they have to say after you are done with what you were doing.
Be sure to maintain eye contact, keep your voice calm and enter into the problem solving by not only offering solutions but by also considering your child's ideas about finding a solution to their situation.
Often, the child may feel bad, guilty, angry or frustrated and this can be something they will manifest during your talk.
Even though we as adults may be inclined to discourage this type behavior, we might want to think twice about that approach.
If we can disregard certain behaviors by reminding ourselves that at least our children are talking to us, we can remain calm; even in the midst of the storm! Be sure to do all you can to guide the conversation regarding their problem by simply making suggestions that will enable them to come up with the solution themselves.
By reminding ourselves that we also experience difficult situations in our lives, we will be better able to relate with what our children are going through.
We may even share a similar experience we have had that can bridge that generational gap; thus arrive at a solution to the problem together.
Above all, be a good listener; your children will be more likely to talk to you about their life problems knowing that you really do care!
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