Is viewing pornography a form of infidelity in marriage or is it a relatively harmless diversion for broadminded people? Does spending time in fantasy sexual encounters, engaging in behavior of an imaginary nature no different in nature than a one-night stand or a long term love affair make you a cheating spouse? Does the absence of an actual, physical partner make this behavior more acceptable? Could the use of pornography be a sign not only of infidelity but a of other personal and marital problems?
Before the Internet and other digital technologies, obtaining and viewing pornography was largely a fringe activity, pursued discreetly in adult movie theaters and bookstores, or via mail order. While magazines featuring women and men in various stages of undress have been available on newsstands and by subscription since the 1950's, today's Internet delivers an inexhaustible volume of far more explicit material catering to every conceivable taste or fetish within a few keystrokes, usually at little or no cost. Addiction or use of pornography is now cited as a reason for irreconcilable differences in divorce proceedings.
There are several reasons why pornography use is a form of infidelity:
First, the sharing of your desire and affection outside of marriage is wrong €" even if the objects of your desire don't actually exist. The simple act of coveting someone not your spouse, which is inherent in pornographic stimulation, should give pause to those who hold traditional religious views.
Second, the very act of secrecy makes it wrong. There are certainly areas of a married person's life which remain personal, such as unspoken thoughts, avocations, even friendships. But would you be embarrassed by sharing your hobbies with your spouse, or introducing your spouse to your friends? Unless you and your spouse share pornography together €" which some might consider open-minded and others a symptom of dysfunction €" your pornography use is probably not something you would be pleased to have your spouse know.
Third, how likely is it that you will stop at imaginary sex or relationships and pursue the real thing? Pornography, like other €slippery slopes', can serve as a €gateway drug' for infidelity. Like the flirtatious €dinner date' with a co-worker you don't mention to your spouse or hanging out regularly in strip clubs, placing yourself in situations where unfaithfulness is easy increases the risk of temptation.
Finally, pornography use is a more insidious in the damage it does to your marriage and yourself. Emersion in fantasy world of any kind for long periods of time is unhealthy. The same could be said of people obsessed with the lives of movie stars and celebrities. But imaginary romantic and sexual encounters depersonalize intimacy and set unreal expectations for appearance and sexual performance. Movies, x-rated or not, are not real and characters depicted are stylized. Pornography sets weird and unreal physical and behavioral standards which are impossible €" and not necessarily desirable -- to achieve in real life.
Worse, like any drug addiction, pornography sets ever higher thresholds for satisfaction. Addicts lose interest in real sex and genuine relationships, with their real-world complexities and imperfections. While you're engaging in fantasy, the rich, complex personality of your partner is obscured. While you're sharing your fantasy man or woman with millions of other partners around the world, you're losing precious time exploring and enjoying the completely unique and complex person you married.
If you find yourself deriving sexual satisfaction outside your marriage through use of pornography, you are a cheating spouse. If you want to halt the damage you are doing to yourself and your marriage, there are resources, such as books and counseling that can put you on the road to recovery
Before the Internet and other digital technologies, obtaining and viewing pornography was largely a fringe activity, pursued discreetly in adult movie theaters and bookstores, or via mail order. While magazines featuring women and men in various stages of undress have been available on newsstands and by subscription since the 1950's, today's Internet delivers an inexhaustible volume of far more explicit material catering to every conceivable taste or fetish within a few keystrokes, usually at little or no cost. Addiction or use of pornography is now cited as a reason for irreconcilable differences in divorce proceedings.
There are several reasons why pornography use is a form of infidelity:
First, the sharing of your desire and affection outside of marriage is wrong €" even if the objects of your desire don't actually exist. The simple act of coveting someone not your spouse, which is inherent in pornographic stimulation, should give pause to those who hold traditional religious views.
Second, the very act of secrecy makes it wrong. There are certainly areas of a married person's life which remain personal, such as unspoken thoughts, avocations, even friendships. But would you be embarrassed by sharing your hobbies with your spouse, or introducing your spouse to your friends? Unless you and your spouse share pornography together €" which some might consider open-minded and others a symptom of dysfunction €" your pornography use is probably not something you would be pleased to have your spouse know.
Third, how likely is it that you will stop at imaginary sex or relationships and pursue the real thing? Pornography, like other €slippery slopes', can serve as a €gateway drug' for infidelity. Like the flirtatious €dinner date' with a co-worker you don't mention to your spouse or hanging out regularly in strip clubs, placing yourself in situations where unfaithfulness is easy increases the risk of temptation.
Finally, pornography use is a more insidious in the damage it does to your marriage and yourself. Emersion in fantasy world of any kind for long periods of time is unhealthy. The same could be said of people obsessed with the lives of movie stars and celebrities. But imaginary romantic and sexual encounters depersonalize intimacy and set unreal expectations for appearance and sexual performance. Movies, x-rated or not, are not real and characters depicted are stylized. Pornography sets weird and unreal physical and behavioral standards which are impossible €" and not necessarily desirable -- to achieve in real life.
Worse, like any drug addiction, pornography sets ever higher thresholds for satisfaction. Addicts lose interest in real sex and genuine relationships, with their real-world complexities and imperfections. While you're engaging in fantasy, the rich, complex personality of your partner is obscured. While you're sharing your fantasy man or woman with millions of other partners around the world, you're losing precious time exploring and enjoying the completely unique and complex person you married.
If you find yourself deriving sexual satisfaction outside your marriage through use of pornography, you are a cheating spouse. If you want to halt the damage you are doing to yourself and your marriage, there are resources, such as books and counseling that can put you on the road to recovery
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