We've all heard about the happy bachelor, the fellow who spends his days thumbing through his little black book, then spends his nights in conquest of those entries.
We speak with a tone of grudging respect for him and his sexual exploits, saying he 'sows his wild oats', or is busy getting the 'itch out of his britches'.
We even joke about this fellow, saying he 'comes to work every morning from a different direction'.
The myth of the carefree, unattached playboy is pervasive.
Why, then, do so darned many of us end up married? Recently I saw a fellow with a T-shirt that, sadly I thought, addressed the common feeling about the end of bachelorhood.
The ragged shirt said "Game over--She won!" Again, with such antipathy to marrying, why did she 'win'? Why is it that 93% of Americans are married at some point in their lives? Samuel Johnson famously said that "A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
" Even so, fully 93% of divorcing couples remarry within two years.
What gives? What can we tell our kids when they ask us what all the excitement and attraction is to marriage? Here's a short list of reasons to get married.
In no particular order, and heavily biased in favor of this author's opinion, are a number of motivations--besides the obvious, that you're flippin' crazy for each other.
Here goes: Married people live longer; they make more money; they have more discretionary income; they raise happier kids; they experience less domestic violence; they see their offspring become (generally) more successful; they have kids who are less likely to be depressed or divorce; they're more likely to like themselves; because marriage says "We're okay"; no one should wake up alone; because we all need to say "I've got mine"; lovers can be found--soul mates are a rare thing; a thousand years from now they'll still say "They were married"; because our legacy is all we have; marrying another is a subscription to hope; because we need to feel right about ourselves; "I do", two words that change many lives; marriage let's us let go; wedding days are always wonderful--no matter what; because weddings are for a good cry; marriage means never having to say "I'm lonely"; think of a word that means safe, and it rhymes with married.
I could go on and on--so perhaps I will: Because nothing's like it, or pretends to be; because we all have the 'couple' gene; we all understand what married means; marriage can easily be our big WHY; because we're born with the need to couple; marriage makes the community whole; even kids know what married means; because there are more reasons than these--"First comes love...
"; marriage is a haven, not a prison; because we all need to feel safe with another; in marriage there are more pluses than minuses; marriage replaces the loss of our childhood with something better; making a home together is richly fulfilling*--and again, on and on.
There more reasons to get married than not to, and to stay together for the duration.
This seems to be contrary to the trend against long-term marriage in this country, but the statistics show otherwise.
We commonly hear that the divorce rate is fifty percent, or that one-in two marriages end in divorce.
But the reality, and the trend are quite different.
The divorce rate in 2005 (per 1,000 people) was 3.
6 -- the lowest rate since 1970, and down from 4.
2 in 2000 and from 4.
7 in 1990.
The peak was at 5.
3 in 1981.
Why would this be? Are fewer people tying the knot? That does explain part of it.
The marriage rate in 2005 (per 1,000) was 7.
5, down from 7.
8 the previous year**.
Many, especially younger couples are cohabiting.
But they also seem to be marrying eventually, thus marrying later, which likely bodes well for the prospects of long-term unions.
The only caveat to that is the message demographers have discovered after studying such cohabiting couples over many years.
In a surprising finding, couples who lived together prior to marriage divorced at nearly twice the average.
Nearly 73% of those couples divorced after twelve years or more of marriage.
So why get married? It is one way to get free stuff--a toaster, crock-pot, tea towels etc.
But the real reason is to declare love and commitment to another, and to demand that society take us seriously.
The rewards are there, and why not? *From 1138 Reasons Why Marriage is for Everyone (C)2009 Byron Edgington (Awaiting publication) **Associated Press.
We speak with a tone of grudging respect for him and his sexual exploits, saying he 'sows his wild oats', or is busy getting the 'itch out of his britches'.
We even joke about this fellow, saying he 'comes to work every morning from a different direction'.
The myth of the carefree, unattached playboy is pervasive.
Why, then, do so darned many of us end up married? Recently I saw a fellow with a T-shirt that, sadly I thought, addressed the common feeling about the end of bachelorhood.
The ragged shirt said "Game over--She won!" Again, with such antipathy to marrying, why did she 'win'? Why is it that 93% of Americans are married at some point in their lives? Samuel Johnson famously said that "A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
" Even so, fully 93% of divorcing couples remarry within two years.
What gives? What can we tell our kids when they ask us what all the excitement and attraction is to marriage? Here's a short list of reasons to get married.
In no particular order, and heavily biased in favor of this author's opinion, are a number of motivations--besides the obvious, that you're flippin' crazy for each other.
Here goes: Married people live longer; they make more money; they have more discretionary income; they raise happier kids; they experience less domestic violence; they see their offspring become (generally) more successful; they have kids who are less likely to be depressed or divorce; they're more likely to like themselves; because marriage says "We're okay"; no one should wake up alone; because we all need to say "I've got mine"; lovers can be found--soul mates are a rare thing; a thousand years from now they'll still say "They were married"; because our legacy is all we have; marrying another is a subscription to hope; because we need to feel right about ourselves; "I do", two words that change many lives; marriage let's us let go; wedding days are always wonderful--no matter what; because weddings are for a good cry; marriage means never having to say "I'm lonely"; think of a word that means safe, and it rhymes with married.
I could go on and on--so perhaps I will: Because nothing's like it, or pretends to be; because we all have the 'couple' gene; we all understand what married means; marriage can easily be our big WHY; because we're born with the need to couple; marriage makes the community whole; even kids know what married means; because there are more reasons than these--"First comes love...
"; marriage is a haven, not a prison; because we all need to feel safe with another; in marriage there are more pluses than minuses; marriage replaces the loss of our childhood with something better; making a home together is richly fulfilling*--and again, on and on.
There more reasons to get married than not to, and to stay together for the duration.
This seems to be contrary to the trend against long-term marriage in this country, but the statistics show otherwise.
We commonly hear that the divorce rate is fifty percent, or that one-in two marriages end in divorce.
But the reality, and the trend are quite different.
The divorce rate in 2005 (per 1,000 people) was 3.
6 -- the lowest rate since 1970, and down from 4.
2 in 2000 and from 4.
7 in 1990.
The peak was at 5.
3 in 1981.
Why would this be? Are fewer people tying the knot? That does explain part of it.
The marriage rate in 2005 (per 1,000) was 7.
5, down from 7.
8 the previous year**.
Many, especially younger couples are cohabiting.
But they also seem to be marrying eventually, thus marrying later, which likely bodes well for the prospects of long-term unions.
The only caveat to that is the message demographers have discovered after studying such cohabiting couples over many years.
In a surprising finding, couples who lived together prior to marriage divorced at nearly twice the average.
Nearly 73% of those couples divorced after twelve years or more of marriage.
So why get married? It is one way to get free stuff--a toaster, crock-pot, tea towels etc.
But the real reason is to declare love and commitment to another, and to demand that society take us seriously.
The rewards are there, and why not? *From 1138 Reasons Why Marriage is for Everyone (C)2009 Byron Edgington (Awaiting publication) **Associated Press.
Source...