- 1). Come up with clear, realistic and age-appropriate rules and guidelines that you wish your children would follow which might include no hitting, identifying toys that they must share and no yelling.
- 2). Have a family meeting, no matter how small your children are, when everyone is calm to discuss the issues your children are having with each other. Ask for their input on what things might help, why they argue and what they think the rules and consequences should be. Tell them your expectations and write down all of the agreed-upon guidelines.
- 3). Listen to your children. Validate their feelings of frustration towards one another. Affirm that it isn't always easy to get along, but that it is necessary in order to be happy.
- 4). Allow your children to have, and respect their right to have, personal space, belongings and moments. While some spaces and things need to be shared, it is a good idea to allow each child toys and even a place or area that is only for their use, unless they want to share it. A birthday or a special celebration for an achievement are also spotlights that shouldn't be shared, but rather an opportunity to show support for one another.
- 5). Spend quality time with your children, when they are playing together and one on one. This will give you the opportunity to observe what triggers arguments and show them how fun playing without arguing is. One on one quality time will give them the chance to express their feelings and feel spoiled by your attention.
- 6). Model appropriate behavior by having peaceful, constructive and loving interactions with your partner and the children. Children that are yelled at will have a tendency to also explode with anger when confronted with a problem. Work on ways you can change your own behavior and be an example of your expectations for your children.
- 7). Encourage your children to encourage one another by giving each other compliments and asking one another for help. Before coming to you for help, a child could be encouraged to ask her big brother for help, and she might let him know how much his help means to her so that he is encouraged by her kind words.
- 8). Avoid comparing your children or playing favorites among them. These actions will create unconscious feelings of jealousy that will come out during interactions with the sibling. While you can avoid playing favorites, you shouldn't always try to make things equal, either; that isn't the way life is. Just try to make it even out in the long run.
- 9). Try to not put all the responsibility on the older child; the younger children must learn as well. No matter how innocent they seem, even a young toddler can be at fault.
- 10
Let your children work out their disputes when possible. Intervene when things get especially heated. - 11
Remove children from the situation and allow them to calm down before talking things through. Arguing can't be resolved in the heat of the moment. - 12
Have the children use "I" statements as opposed to accusations, for example "I felt sad when Jack took my toy from me." Do your best to stay neutral, especially if you didn't whiteness the incident that caused the argument, and simply repeat back the events and feelings as they were told to you by the kids. This will help them gain some perspective and resolve the argument on their own. - 13
Separate the kids if necessary. This action is not a punishment but simply allows each child alone time to reflect and be creative without any harassment in order to come back to team play ready and willing.
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