I was at an orange juice shop last week (a place where they sell fruit drinks) and it was my first time there. I was in a light mood, so I randomly started a conversation with the cashier saying I didn’t want any sugar in my strawberry slushee in which she replied, “Are you sure? It won’t taste as well.” The cashier basically implied that it was going to taste gross (which it did) but I was okay with it since I only enjoy 100% natural fruit (I’m weird like that).
Next to me were standing two ladies about in their 40’s who I didn’t know. So I asked them if the drink was going to be weird, they laughed and agreed. I then asked the shorter one of them, how was her drink and she said it was very delicious. Somehow, a random question turned into a random conversation on really nothing, but it was definitely a daytime mood booster for all of us. I said bye and walked away and within 5 minutes, the person who I asked approached me and ask if we could meet up sometime in the near future. Her name was Cathy and was studying at a nearby school to be a teacher. I had never had a friend that was 40, so I thought it would be interesting to learn about somebody wiser than me. I left her my email.
The first time we met, we had noodles together. I didn’t know who should pay. But she said she would so I let her.
The second time we had fish together, and I didn’t know who should pay. This time I said I would, and she let me.
The third time, which was today, we had pizza together and I didn’t know who should pay. When I asked, she said, “Let’s go Dutch?” “Go Dutch?”
She couldn’t believe that I didn’t know what that meant and thought I was pretending. She threatened me that she was going to pay the whole bill if I didn’t know. Jokingly, I said I wouldn’t have allowed that to happen. So I took a guess, and from the context of sentence, and the first and second time we had meant, I asked her if I met was splitting the bill. I was correct and so we did. It was a great time.
Now when I think about it, it’s sort of weird that we have some random slang terms in our English language, and ironically, “Going Dutch” has nothing to do with English people, but with Dutch people.
The term “Going Dutch” does mean to pay for oneself and that derived from an ungenerous or selfish stereotype that Dutch like to pay for themselves, as opposed to someone who would pay for the whole bill.
It’s pretty funny now I know what it means. Yet, me and Catchy seemed to handle the bills nicely with no complaints or arguments. And often times, people do get stuck with who is the one who pays the bill?
You? Me? Or Split?
Here’s my take. In most cultures, it is very common for the guy to pay for the girl. But I think this is definitely an overstatement. I asked one of my coworkers today about it and she disagreed with the idea that guys should always pay because she is the one that is eating the food. She told me that many guys have a need to show that they can pay, that they want to be the “hero.”
I used to be anxious when that very “moment” came up and was always indecisive about it. Now, it’s not that big of a deal to me.
I think many guys fall into the trap of if they pay for the girl, they will be able to earn their attraction. Guys probably think, “Yeah, I’m paying for her. She’ll probably dig me more.” While girls probably think, “Oh. That’s generous that he’s paying for me.” Sometimes guys take it too and make it awkward if they always want to pay.
I’m sure you’ve met a couple of guys that do this. It’s actually pretty common not only in eating out, but in general courtship. The “manly” or “power” factor comes in. They think that always doing so is a more macho act, when it fact, it’s usually because they are insecure of themselves and have to use alternate methods of I guess you can say, “Buying the girl.” This might lead to minor conflict or at the very least, if guys keep doing this, girls can smell a sign of desperation which is makes things more uncomfortable.
“I’ll pay for this.”
“No, no it’s okay.”
“Really, it’s okay. I’ll pay… don’t worry.”
“Oh it’s okay, you paid last time.”
“Here, just give me the check. I insist.”
“Okay… if you really want to.”
Awkward pause.
And afterwards, the relationship becomes what the pause is – awkward.
The key to solving this issue in my opinion is this.
Don’t worry about who pays!
You pay, I pay, or let’s go Dutch. It doesn’t really matter! Don’t make things uncomfortable by obsessing over who pays. If you want to pay, go for it. If she doesn’t let you, let her pay. If both of you guys agree to pay separately, then let it be. It’s not that big of a deal. The entire process should take no more than 10 seconds to decide who pays and a simple nod saying, “Thanks, I got it next time,” is all that is really needed.
Remember, eating out isn’t about who pays; it’s about your interaction and getting to know the other person. If you already gotten a chance to privately getting the person to lunch, or dinner, or wherever the place you guys end up, and have build a positive rapport thus so far with them, worrying about who pays should be thelast thing on your mind. The first thing should be building a relationship with them. That’s why they asked you out or you ask them out in the first place.
From question to conversation to eating out, I’m glad to have met Cathy because she is such a nice, interesting person who is so down-to-earth on who pays. So, next time you’re out with somebody, whether it is with your friend, a date, or somebody you just met in public, don’t stress over who pays. Worry about getting to know the person better, not getting to know the bill better.
Next to me were standing two ladies about in their 40’s who I didn’t know. So I asked them if the drink was going to be weird, they laughed and agreed. I then asked the shorter one of them, how was her drink and she said it was very delicious. Somehow, a random question turned into a random conversation on really nothing, but it was definitely a daytime mood booster for all of us. I said bye and walked away and within 5 minutes, the person who I asked approached me and ask if we could meet up sometime in the near future. Her name was Cathy and was studying at a nearby school to be a teacher. I had never had a friend that was 40, so I thought it would be interesting to learn about somebody wiser than me. I left her my email.
The first time we met, we had noodles together. I didn’t know who should pay. But she said she would so I let her.
The second time we had fish together, and I didn’t know who should pay. This time I said I would, and she let me.
The third time, which was today, we had pizza together and I didn’t know who should pay. When I asked, she said, “Let’s go Dutch?” “Go Dutch?”
She couldn’t believe that I didn’t know what that meant and thought I was pretending. She threatened me that she was going to pay the whole bill if I didn’t know. Jokingly, I said I wouldn’t have allowed that to happen. So I took a guess, and from the context of sentence, and the first and second time we had meant, I asked her if I met was splitting the bill. I was correct and so we did. It was a great time.
Now when I think about it, it’s sort of weird that we have some random slang terms in our English language, and ironically, “Going Dutch” has nothing to do with English people, but with Dutch people.
The term “Going Dutch” does mean to pay for oneself and that derived from an ungenerous or selfish stereotype that Dutch like to pay for themselves, as opposed to someone who would pay for the whole bill.
It’s pretty funny now I know what it means. Yet, me and Catchy seemed to handle the bills nicely with no complaints or arguments. And often times, people do get stuck with who is the one who pays the bill?
You? Me? Or Split?
Here’s my take. In most cultures, it is very common for the guy to pay for the girl. But I think this is definitely an overstatement. I asked one of my coworkers today about it and she disagreed with the idea that guys should always pay because she is the one that is eating the food. She told me that many guys have a need to show that they can pay, that they want to be the “hero.”
I used to be anxious when that very “moment” came up and was always indecisive about it. Now, it’s not that big of a deal to me.
I think many guys fall into the trap of if they pay for the girl, they will be able to earn their attraction. Guys probably think, “Yeah, I’m paying for her. She’ll probably dig me more.” While girls probably think, “Oh. That’s generous that he’s paying for me.” Sometimes guys take it too and make it awkward if they always want to pay.
I’m sure you’ve met a couple of guys that do this. It’s actually pretty common not only in eating out, but in general courtship. The “manly” or “power” factor comes in. They think that always doing so is a more macho act, when it fact, it’s usually because they are insecure of themselves and have to use alternate methods of I guess you can say, “Buying the girl.” This might lead to minor conflict or at the very least, if guys keep doing this, girls can smell a sign of desperation which is makes things more uncomfortable.
“I’ll pay for this.”
“No, no it’s okay.”
“Really, it’s okay. I’ll pay… don’t worry.”
“Oh it’s okay, you paid last time.”
“Here, just give me the check. I insist.”
“Okay… if you really want to.”
Awkward pause.
And afterwards, the relationship becomes what the pause is – awkward.
The key to solving this issue in my opinion is this.
Don’t worry about who pays!
You pay, I pay, or let’s go Dutch. It doesn’t really matter! Don’t make things uncomfortable by obsessing over who pays. If you want to pay, go for it. If she doesn’t let you, let her pay. If both of you guys agree to pay separately, then let it be. It’s not that big of a deal. The entire process should take no more than 10 seconds to decide who pays and a simple nod saying, “Thanks, I got it next time,” is all that is really needed.
Remember, eating out isn’t about who pays; it’s about your interaction and getting to know the other person. If you already gotten a chance to privately getting the person to lunch, or dinner, or wherever the place you guys end up, and have build a positive rapport thus so far with them, worrying about who pays should be thelast thing on your mind. The first thing should be building a relationship with them. That’s why they asked you out or you ask them out in the first place.
From question to conversation to eating out, I’m glad to have met Cathy because she is such a nice, interesting person who is so down-to-earth on who pays. So, next time you’re out with somebody, whether it is with your friend, a date, or somebody you just met in public, don’t stress over who pays. Worry about getting to know the person better, not getting to know the bill better.
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