I sometimes hear from wives who aren't sure what their relationship should be with their separated husband.
On the one hand, they still care deeply about him and want for him to be happy.
On the other hand, they may suspect that their behavior right now might have a huge impact on whether or not they are able to reconcile.
As an example, I might hear a comment like: "one of the reasons that my husband and I separated is that he is going through a lot right now.
There are stressors that are making him difficult to be around.
None of these things are his fault, but he felt it best if he was by himself for a while.
Because our marriage truly has been struggling, I reluctantly agreed.
But I'm always concerned about him.
I call him sometimes just to let him talk and vent.
If he calls, I come immediately because I want to be there for him.
The other day, one of my friends and I were talking about this and she asked me why I was making myself so available to him.
I told her that I would do that for any person who I cared about.
Her response to me was 'well it's not like you're friends, you're married.
But you're also separated.
He chose the separation, so now he can find his own friends to listen to him.
' I have to say that I understand where she is coming from, but I disagree.
I feel like my husband needs as many friends as he can get right now.
And I'm not one to turn my back on someone who I care about.
Besides, what is wrong with being friendly and cordial during your separation? I don't think it's a problem but my friend said that I'm not giving him any time to miss me.
I suppose this is true.
But frankly, being so cordial and friendly has seemed to help during the separation.
I have real concerns about what is going to happen if I suddenly shut him out.
Who is right? Is a bad idea to be friendly during your separation?" I'm going to give you my opinion, but I have to tell you that this is all it is.
And of course, different things work for different couples.
But honestly, I think that it is beneficial to have any sort of positive relationship during a separation.
Of course you want to be there for your husband.
I wouldn't want to turn my back on him either.
And, perhaps the friend's biggest concern here is that you don't want to be too accessible.
The concern would be if he was just using you for comfort or to be a sounding board with no real intention of reconciling.
But, the wife herself had said that her support had actually helped the relationship.
So, I can't see that removing her support would be beneficial.
I do think that you want to be aware of how things are progressing in romantic terms if reconciling is very important to you.
I'll discuss that now.
Try To Keep An Eye Out For Safe Opportunities To Combine Friendship With Reconciliation: One thing that you don't want to do is to make it obvious that you're only being friendly and supportive because you want to reconcile.
This will make your husband question just how genuine your concern for him is and it might make him pull back some or rely on someone else.
At the same time, you don't want for him to view you only as his friend.
I know that this is a delicate balance.
But, often times, the friendly relationship that you've established can be built upon to lead up to a reconciliation, although you will admittedly have to be careful about this sometimes.
One huge advantage of being so friendly and cordial is that you have easy access to your husband.
He's not ignoring your calls or refusing to see you, which is actually a bit common in separations where the husband chooses to initiate the separation.
It's a real advantage that this is not your reality.
And, you can use this access in order to start rebuilding your relationship.
You just want to be careful that you don't take advantage of this or give your husband the impression that your friendship is only "an in" to move on to the romance and reconciliation.
But to answer the question posed, I think that it can be beneficial to be friendly during your separation.
It gives you an easy rapport, it gives you access, and it allows you to build upon the relationship, which are all positive things.
You just have to be observant and make sure that he's not only viewing you as a friend or as someone to vent with.
Because ultimately, you want to move that friendship back into a marriage.