Updated June 17, 2013.
Learning how to effectively refuse requests can be tough. If you suffer with social anxiety disorder (SAD), you may have a problem saying no to other people. In your eagerness to please others, you may overlook your own needs and limits of what you can do. Although this type of behavior helps you avoid immediate confrontation, it may lead to frustration both for you and those around you if you cannot meet obligations or consistently back out at the last minute.
It is therefore important to learn how to refuse requests that are unreasonable or that do not fit with your circumstances. Consider your gut feeling and the logistics of what you are being asked to do. Realize that the person making the request may not know of your other commitments. It is up to you to communicate if a request conflicts with other plans that you have.
When refusing a request, it is best to give a simple answer and explanation. For example, if you have been asked to help out with a church function on the same day as your daughter's dance recital, simply say, "I'd really love to help out, but my daughter has her first dance recital that afternoon. I'm afraid I would be trying to fit too much in, so I'll have to say no."
In general, others will appreciate your honesty and will negotiate a solution that works for both of you. If, however, you receive a negative response after refusing a request, be sure to stand your ground. You have the right to consider and respect your own needs and do not need to apologize for doing so.
Source:
Markway BG, Carmin CN, Pollard CA, Flynn T. Dying of Embarassment: Help for Social Anxiety & Phobia. Oakland, CA: Harbinger; 1992.
Learning how to effectively refuse requests can be tough. If you suffer with social anxiety disorder (SAD), you may have a problem saying no to other people. In your eagerness to please others, you may overlook your own needs and limits of what you can do. Although this type of behavior helps you avoid immediate confrontation, it may lead to frustration both for you and those around you if you cannot meet obligations or consistently back out at the last minute.
It is therefore important to learn how to refuse requests that are unreasonable or that do not fit with your circumstances. Consider your gut feeling and the logistics of what you are being asked to do. Realize that the person making the request may not know of your other commitments. It is up to you to communicate if a request conflicts with other plans that you have.
When refusing a request, it is best to give a simple answer and explanation. For example, if you have been asked to help out with a church function on the same day as your daughter's dance recital, simply say, "I'd really love to help out, but my daughter has her first dance recital that afternoon. I'm afraid I would be trying to fit too much in, so I'll have to say no."
In general, others will appreciate your honesty and will negotiate a solution that works for both of you. If, however, you receive a negative response after refusing a request, be sure to stand your ground. You have the right to consider and respect your own needs and do not need to apologize for doing so.
Source:
Markway BG, Carmin CN, Pollard CA, Flynn T. Dying of Embarassment: Help for Social Anxiety & Phobia. Oakland, CA: Harbinger; 1992.
Source...