Step families are inundated with change when they are forming.
This isn't a surprise.
New parents, new houses, new schools, new rules are just the beginning of the long list.
But what about the children's actual roles in the families? Most people don't recognize how significant these can be.
There are 3 main role changes that are potentially possible as you begin to combine your families.
Let's review these together.
It's important that you and your spouse discuss these and the impact they might have on the children in your unique situation.
1.
Birth Order - There have literally been TONS of books written about the effect that one's birth order has one's personality and viewpoint of the world.
I am a first born and can admit that all those "overbearing, over achiever, overly responsible, wants to be teacher's pet" comments were pretty dead on for me!! All of us come to realize our place in our families through our birth order.
Unfortunately, this can drastically change when a step family is formed.
It's possible for the oldest in the family to suddenly become the youngest.
While this may not sound like that big a deal, it is.
Parent's expectations for kids tend to shift based on birth order.
Kids' belief in their position in the family can be really shaken by this change.
2.
Sexes of Kids -This is where the whole sibling rivalry thing kicks in.
Kids may go from a family where they are the only boy to a family with 4 other boys.
This changes their perspective of who they are in their family.
This also can change how parents treat the kids.
There may be more same sexed kids vying for toys and clothes.
This can be hard for kids to adjust to when they aren't used to negotiating with that other sexed child.
It will take them some time to learn how to negotiate these conflicts.
3.
Number of Children - The biggest adjustment for kids is for those who were only children.
They've never had siblings before.
Now they have other kids that require attention, and stuff.
This sharing is foreign to them.
Even if your children haven't been only's the sheer addition of other children thins out resources.
There's only so much time you can give.
There's only so much money that can be spent.
I don't mean to make it sound as if all of these things are negative.
They are not.
As kids are exposed to different children it gives them a wider worldview.
They are expanding their social skills of negotiating, compromising and sharing.
They may have the opportunity to create a very strong relationship with a step sibling that never could have happened with a biological sibling.