For the past several hundred years our definition of what marriage is suppose to be, has been tied to a fallacy called romance.
We have witnessed Hollywood writers and the media portray marriages as something that is based on the idea of fairy book tails.
A couple should fall in love and forever live happily ever after.
Due to this fallacy, fifty percent of the population marries with a very unstable foundation under them, only to end up in divorce court.
Remember when you first fell in love.
You could think about nothing else other than your partner.
There was passion, romance, sex, great conversation.
Your partner appeared to be the perfect match for you.
Then, with some time invested in your relationship you found your partner was not all they were built up to be.
This is because those first initial feelings were biological.
That is part of our genetic structure that has been passed on since the earliest parts of life.
The main purpose of a species is to procreate and multiply so the species will continue to live.
This is why those initial feelings are so powerful.
So what do we do after those initial feelings where off and we are faced with someone who no longer excites us as they used to? Keep reading.
One of the biggest complaints that people have when they come to see me for marriage counseling is, those initial feelings are gone and they have lost hope for their relationship ever being salvageable.
Although sexual attraction and the intense feeling of falling in love is what brings us together, it is the qualities of affection, compassion, mutual respect and understanding that cause strong bonds to be built.
In order for people to build a strong meaningful relationship they must have the ability to be intimate with one another.
Being intimate with your partner means being able to accept yourself and your partner for who you really are.
As long as you are unable to see your partner for who they really are, just a human being with all our goodness and all our faults, you will not be able to love this person as your best friend.
Your relationship will be based on attachment.
You will build anger and resentment toward them, for not being able to fulfill your romantic fantasy and love you the way you dream of being loved, you will then begin to look elsewhere.
Remember this.
You cannot control someone or love someone to the point that they will love you back.
That is a decision that a person makes of free will.
So if you wish to stay out of the fifty percent that continue to be unable to formulate a lasting, meaningful relationship you need to understand that love is not about getting.
It is about giving.
We have witnessed Hollywood writers and the media portray marriages as something that is based on the idea of fairy book tails.
A couple should fall in love and forever live happily ever after.
Due to this fallacy, fifty percent of the population marries with a very unstable foundation under them, only to end up in divorce court.
Remember when you first fell in love.
You could think about nothing else other than your partner.
There was passion, romance, sex, great conversation.
Your partner appeared to be the perfect match for you.
Then, with some time invested in your relationship you found your partner was not all they were built up to be.
This is because those first initial feelings were biological.
That is part of our genetic structure that has been passed on since the earliest parts of life.
The main purpose of a species is to procreate and multiply so the species will continue to live.
This is why those initial feelings are so powerful.
So what do we do after those initial feelings where off and we are faced with someone who no longer excites us as they used to? Keep reading.
One of the biggest complaints that people have when they come to see me for marriage counseling is, those initial feelings are gone and they have lost hope for their relationship ever being salvageable.
Although sexual attraction and the intense feeling of falling in love is what brings us together, it is the qualities of affection, compassion, mutual respect and understanding that cause strong bonds to be built.
In order for people to build a strong meaningful relationship they must have the ability to be intimate with one another.
Being intimate with your partner means being able to accept yourself and your partner for who you really are.
As long as you are unable to see your partner for who they really are, just a human being with all our goodness and all our faults, you will not be able to love this person as your best friend.
Your relationship will be based on attachment.
You will build anger and resentment toward them, for not being able to fulfill your romantic fantasy and love you the way you dream of being loved, you will then begin to look elsewhere.
Remember this.
You cannot control someone or love someone to the point that they will love you back.
That is a decision that a person makes of free will.
So if you wish to stay out of the fifty percent that continue to be unable to formulate a lasting, meaningful relationship you need to understand that love is not about getting.
It is about giving.
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