Have you ever gone to a party and had the hostess insist you try her delicious but super fattening canapés? Have you ever walked into your office, only to feel obligated to partake of pastries your boss's wife prepared from a new recipe? Do you worry that proper etiquette dictates that you eat or drink something you don't want?

My dear, sweet, late, very southern mother-in-law used to insist I take food or drink, even when I didn't want it.


The first time I met her, she asked if I wanted lemonade or iced tea. I said, "Neither," so she brought me one of each. Then when it came time to serve dessert, she did the same thing: She cut me a slice of cake and pie to make sure I had something I wanted. I know she was trying to be polite by showing old-school manners, so I finally gave in and accepted whatever she wanted me to have.

Most of us have been around food pushers—people who insist that you take a piece of cake, even though you're trying to lose ten pounds to get into your wedding dress or you have never been a sweets eater. Often in their minds, food is love, and turning it down is like a slap across the face. You should do everything you can to avoid making them feel bad, but you don't have to eat everything that these people want you to have.

Sometimes people's good intentions create frustration and internal conflict if you are trying to lose weight, eat healthier food, or simply don't want to eat whatever is being offered.

But it's difficult to say no when you feel that you might hurt someone's feelings. 

Here are some ways you can graciously turn down whatever is offered:

1. Be nice but firm. Smile at the person and say, "That looks delicious, but I'm not hungry right now." She should accept what you say and move on, but if she doesn't, just hold up a hand and add, "I simply can't eat another bite, but thank you." Eventually even the most determined food pusher will give up.
2. Let the person know you're watching your weight. Say something like, "I've recently started a diet, and I've consumed all of my allotted calories today."
3. Don't resist completely. When someone insists that you try something, say a few polite words, such as, "Thank you! I'll have some in a little while." That removes the other person's urge to argue.
4. Have a quippy comeback. If the person says something like, "Come on and try it. You only live once," come back with, "And I'd like for that to be a long life. I'm afraid I'll burst at the seams if I eat another bite."
5. Accept it without commitment. Go ahead and take the food being offered but don't eat it. You can either leave it intact on your plate or cut it up and make it appear that you tried some. This is also the tactic you should use when a neighbor brings you a treat that you don't want.
6. Use humor to decline the food but only if you're sure the host isn't sensitive. One example is to turn down something like a celery and cheese appetizer by saying you're still a child at heart, you have an aversion to anything that resembles a vegetable.
7. Accept a very small amount. Say you're not hungry, but it looks so good you can't resist, so you'll take a tiny bite.
8. Be up front about health, moral, or religious preferences. Perhaps you are vegan and the host is offering something with meat or dairy in it. Simply state that you don't eat any animal-based foods without having an accusatory tone.
9. Don't force your food preferences on others. When someone in your office constantly brings in high fat, high-sugar concoctions, you need to keep your opinions to yourself. Never stare disdainfully at others who enjoy the offerings.
10. Change the subject. If someone offers you something that looks unappealing, say something along the lines of, "No thank you. By the way, I loved the crab dip that you served earlier. I'd love to have the recipe." Chances are, the person will either give you the recipe or be so flattered that you liked her special recipe that she'll forget about the other food she was pushing you to eat.