After The Affair- Should You End Your Marriage Or Repair It?
It's tough to come to grips with.
After everything you went through as a couple now you face after the affair issues.
You were such a great team for so long. The marriage has gone for years, or possibly decades. You might have raised great kids who are now adults and on their own. Odds are you most likely suffered through financially tough times, family crises, and personal tragedy.
And now you look back after the affair and think, is it all over? Has the marriage you put blood sweat and tears into and cherished for all this time finally come to a halt? Is this really the end?
This is what people who are anguished by events after the affair ponder daily. Confronting this issue and contemplating if it is time to end your marriage is difficult to say the least. Dealing with an affair (or any shocking event in a marriage) is one of the toughest emotional times a human being can go through.
To add to the complication the decision boils down to two people involved: you and your partner. No one else can decide the course of action but the two of you.
In this article I want to explain why that's true and provide some insight on methods to think about staying in or leaving your marriage after the affair.
The Reason You Are the Only One That Can Decide if It's Over
In today"s society people have formed a very well-defined idea of what develops after an affair: The marriage ends. In the movies the women who get cheated on smack the cheating spouse, give some clever, hurtful remark followed by leaving the relationship, sanctimonious and revengeful.
It appears that these Hollywood scenes are the universal anticipation of the people in our world.
There is no question the want for a divorce after the affair occurs and it is clear and without doubt acceptable.
Having said this, it may not be the best thing to do.
In fact, I believe it is to a large extent healthier to do the work needed to get your marriage into the best shape achievable after the affair happens (provided both partners are agreeable to do this) prior to making a decision to divorce. This way you have a much improved perception of what you are throwing away should you decide to end the marriage.
When I was speaking of "getting your relationship into the best possible shape," I don't imply you ought to try going back to the identical dysfunctional state it was in previous to the affair, but rather, you should make an effort to produce a better-than-ever relationship.
No matter what you settle on, your choice is a potentially life-changing one, and you must explore your own heart and make your own decision about whether or not you wish to continue in your marriage after the affair.
After everything you went through as a couple now you face after the affair issues.
You were such a great team for so long. The marriage has gone for years, or possibly decades. You might have raised great kids who are now adults and on their own. Odds are you most likely suffered through financially tough times, family crises, and personal tragedy.
And now you look back after the affair and think, is it all over? Has the marriage you put blood sweat and tears into and cherished for all this time finally come to a halt? Is this really the end?
This is what people who are anguished by events after the affair ponder daily. Confronting this issue and contemplating if it is time to end your marriage is difficult to say the least. Dealing with an affair (or any shocking event in a marriage) is one of the toughest emotional times a human being can go through.
To add to the complication the decision boils down to two people involved: you and your partner. No one else can decide the course of action but the two of you.
In this article I want to explain why that's true and provide some insight on methods to think about staying in or leaving your marriage after the affair.
The Reason You Are the Only One That Can Decide if It's Over
In today"s society people have formed a very well-defined idea of what develops after an affair: The marriage ends. In the movies the women who get cheated on smack the cheating spouse, give some clever, hurtful remark followed by leaving the relationship, sanctimonious and revengeful.
It appears that these Hollywood scenes are the universal anticipation of the people in our world.
There is no question the want for a divorce after the affair occurs and it is clear and without doubt acceptable.
Having said this, it may not be the best thing to do.
In fact, I believe it is to a large extent healthier to do the work needed to get your marriage into the best shape achievable after the affair happens (provided both partners are agreeable to do this) prior to making a decision to divorce. This way you have a much improved perception of what you are throwing away should you decide to end the marriage.
When I was speaking of "getting your relationship into the best possible shape," I don't imply you ought to try going back to the identical dysfunctional state it was in previous to the affair, but rather, you should make an effort to produce a better-than-ever relationship.
No matter what you settle on, your choice is a potentially life-changing one, and you must explore your own heart and make your own decision about whether or not you wish to continue in your marriage after the affair.
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