When I was 8 years old I read "Jaws" under my covers with a flashlight.
I didn't know what I was reading and my parents certainly didn't know what I was reading, so I read it.
In it's entirety.
Since then, I do not go any further into the ocean than the top of my knees.
I never go into lakes or ponds.
Until I was in high school even swimming pools were a stretch for me.
My family and I have travelled all over the world.
We have rented boats to go snorkeling in Guam, in Thailand, in the Caribbean, in Mexico.
I have always been the one who stayed on the boat.
To take the pictures.
To hold the baby.
I would watch as my family and friends would don their snorkeling gear and head out into the usually gorgeously blue clear water.
I took some great pictures but never once did I accompany them.
And I was fine with that.
Two weeks ago we were in the Dominican Republic on a boat, bound for a popular snorkeling spot.
My whole family was there, brother, sister, nieces and nephews.
As everyone geared up to snorkel I settled myself in for the wait, gathering everyone's cameras.
And then it occurred to me: why the hell was I going to just sit there? Why not just go in.
I turned to my kids and declared by intention.
They were so excited.
They promised to swim next to me the whole time.
We put on gear and off we went, into the clearest bluest water I have ever seen.
I had a blast.
My kids stuck right by me but then I got my bearings and sent them off.
I floated in the water, looking in reefs, swimming through schools of fish, checking out sea anemones.
I could have stayed out there for hours.
I was the last one back to the boat.
This was truly a "hell has frozen over" moment for me.
I never in a million years thought that I would go into the ocean, much less wear a mask and purposefully gaze at a fish.
But I did and I loved it.
Since my divorce I have found that I have become much braver.
I drive at night and in snowstorms, I can use tools like a pro (mostly), I speak my truth when warranted and I try things that I never thought I would try.
I wonder about why this is so.
When I told my cousin that I was getting a divorce he remarked about how lucky I was that I was getting a "reboot" at this time in my life.
I have embraced that notion.
While I am sad that I am divorced, and obviously still struggle with a lot of issues around it, I make an effort every day to make the most of the life that I have been given, the life where I can wake up in the morning and be the best person that I can be, a person who is fearless, who can set a good example for her children, who can make a difference in the world through her work, who can express what she wants in a clear and kind way.
When I was married I was so mired in my everyday unhappiness that nothing was clear.
I was treading water, just trying to keep from drowning.
Try to look at this transitional time in your life as a gift.
Think of all the things that you can do, can try.
Life isn't easy but it can be wonderful.
I will never forget the feeling of vastness and possibility that I felt under the water that day and I carry it with me as I move forward.