Have you ever found yourself checking your phone messages or email obsessively? This could happen because you are bored, or because you are procrastinating.
Usually, though we launch these very uncomfortable obsessive behaviors when we are over-anxious for feedback.
It's as if we have decided we can't "move on," can't keep on going through our day and our goals, until we receive acknowledgment from the person we've decided must give us confirmation.
This anxiety-driven dilemma can waste lot of time, keep us miserable, and contribute to all sorts of symptoms such as over-eating, nail-biting, insomnia, irritability, and many other self-defeating behaviors.
What can we do to change obsessive feedback checking? We can think.
We can review the facts and slow down.
We get into loops of anxiety-driven behavior when we stop thinking and let our emotions take charge.
Our emotions run ahead of the facts, that that our self-talk includes all sorts of inaccurate, scary statements.
Examples include, "I'm being ignored.
I don't count.
My messages are put aside.
They do not think I'm important enough to respond to immediately.
They are playing games with me.
I'm simply not cared about.
" Or, after a period of this type of misinformation, we might start blaming the recipient.
Examples include, "He's a horrible person anyway.
She's too selfish and self-centered to respond.
I bet she loves to get my requests so she can feel superior by ignoring me.
" A way out is to add facts, the first one of which is...
no matter how instant communication has been set up today...
the person you are leaving a message for just might not be at their computer or where they can or want to receive calls.
Other people have lives, too.
Not everyone has the same message-returning habits.
Just because you are anxious about your subject does not mean the recipient is anxious about your subject, or should be anxious about your subject.
Just because the other person does not respond immediately does not mean they will not respond.
And, most importantly, the number of times you check your messages does not shorten the time before you get a reply.
So, drop it and get on with your life.